


The Jaebum Show

by HardStansOnly



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Truman Show Fusion, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Constructed Reality, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, Existential Crisis, Existentialism, Fake Marriage, Heartbreak, How tf to even properly tag this, Im Jaebum | JB-Centric, Imprisonment, Jb is pissed and sassy, Lies and Deceit, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Multi, Mutual Pining, Patrick stewart voice: Acting, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags to update with fic, The Truman Show!au, and we take a quick step to the world to wax poetic about maknae line, chap 4 is just wild tangets i thought y'all would like, fuck the fourth wall, good soft boys get their good soft ending, its very brief but just as a heads up, jb has a not so minor emotional breakdown, jb remains a romantic, we did it! we finished!, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled pain in the next chap, where are they now style epilogue, you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2020-07-08 08:56:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19866922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardStansOnly/pseuds/HardStansOnly
Summary: Everything in Jaebum’s life is fabricated for the entertainment of others. From the moment JYP ‘adopted’ him and put him in a fake world he’s unknowingly been on camera while billions of people watched.





	1. The Burden of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> how much more niche than The Truman Show!AU can I possibly get? Bless Rae for always enabling me and letting me post stuff we bounce between us.

“You were real. That’s what made you so good to watch. Listen to me Truman. There is no more truth out there than there is in the world I created for you. Same lies. Same deceit. But in my world, you have nothing to fear.”

*

****Day 9,125****

Jaebum started his day like he started everyday. He rolled over to the sound of his alarm, kissed his husband good morning, showered, shit and shaved before getting dressed and trudging to work. It wasn’t that he hated his job, it was just sitting behind a desk selling insurance was soul sucking and he preferred sitting behind his keyboard making music. Jaebum had wanted to quit to produce full time but he couldn’t seem to get the right footing so he always landed right back here. In a tie and debating whether or not he should feed it into the paper shredder while it was still attached.

Giving a cursory glance around, Jaebum pulled his camera from his bag to flip through the saved images. They were mostly of regular things, flowers, birds, people walking their dogs, a few cats he saw at the shelter that he desperately wanted to adopt. If Jaebum had his way he would have a house full of cats but with his husband being allergic, the closest he got to owning one was the orange tabby wall clock Jinyoung had gotten him for his birthday last year. Mixed in between the photos was the one he was looking for.

Jackson. The beautiful Chinese man in all his beige glory, mail bag slung across his shoulder and dark sunglasses pushed up holding his hair back. In the picture, Jackson was talking to his brother in law Mark even as he had looked over to smile widely at Jaebum taking in the picture.

Jaebum had laughed at himself at first, how cliche it was that he had fallen head over heels for their mailman. Even if the younger didn’t have a body to die for Jackson was kind, he always went out of his way to make Jaebum smile. When Jaebum’s mother got sick, Jackson had come over nearly everyday to sit on his front porch and talk with him even when it set him back on his mail route. During that time, the crush he had on the man bloomed into something a little softer, a little deeper. Jaebum brushed his fingers against the screen with a small smile.

“BUMMIE!” The shrill of a woman’s voice set Jaebum’s teeth on edge but he continued to smile nonetheless. Shutting down his camera, Jaebum watched his co-worker Hannah approaching, the red stain on her lips only out matched by the fire of her hair. “Your numbers are up. You must be really working your magic.” Jaebum kept his smile even though he really just wanted her to leave. “You should reward yourself with a dinner made with Kaiser Chicken. It's all natural a-”

“And antibiotic free. Yes, you keep telling me.” Jaebum felt his eye twitch in irritation, all residual happy feelings from staring at Jackson for the millionth time gone. At some point in the last week, Jaebum had come to reality shredding conclusion his life was some kind of joke. People were always handing him stuff or making him say things or talking to him like they were pitching a sale. “I think I’m done with work for the day.” Jaebum drummed his fingers on the desk a few times as Hannah worked through her shock. “Yeah. I don’t feel like being here anymore. I quit.”

“You can’t just quit.” Hannah sputtered a bit but Jaebum was already in motion. “Mr. Im.”

“I’ll be back for my stuff later. I’m not really looking to carry anything, ya know?” Taking off his tie and button down, Jaebum untucked his t-shirt. 

This was his test. To see if things really would still function all the same if he broke his 25 year routine of things. If it turned out there were consequences, and god did he want there to be for the sake of his sanity, then he would deal with it. If not, then he was going to need to accept that everything in his life was fake and begin to somehow understand what was happening. Jaebum got halfway down the street before people stopped staring and started going about their business, though none of them seemed to know what to do. Feeling the panic rising in his chest Jaebum began to trek towards the only person he trusted with this revelation. Mark always listened to him, sometimes he even encouraged him.

The walk took nearly half an hour as Jaebum walked in the middle of the road watching curiously as traffic skidded to a halt around him but no one blew their horns. No one shouted obscenities or threw things at him. Each shocked face and unquestioned action settled the notion something was very wrong in his head. Refusing to move back onto the sidewalk, Jaebum continued on his way until he reached the small house. Mark was already sitting on the porch swing, arm casually thrown over the back as the older watched him approach up the lawn. Out of respect for Mark’s garden Jaebum stayed on the concrete sidewalk leading up to the door and off the manicured lawn.

“You done playing god?” Mark asked holding a beer bottle on his front porch, label out as always. “Heard all over the radio that our own little Jaebum was having an off day and walking down the middle of the street.” Jaebum eyed Mark thoughtfully. He had been friends with Mark since the American had moved into town when he was fourteen. Even though Mark was barely a year older than him, Jaebum liked having an older friend. It had made him feel cool even when he knew he was just a music nerd.

When they had reached their first year of high school, Mark had started to teach him how to do b-boy dancing and martial arts tricking to go along with the notebook’s worth of songs that Jaebum had begun to write and compose. They would stay after school for hours using the gym mats to practice their moves while laughing at one another when they’d fall on their face. At one point, Jaebum had asked Mark out. Even in highschool with his lanky build and teenage awkwardness Mark was handsome. At the time, Mark had turned him down saying that someone else had caught his eye though he never said who. 

A little heartbroken, Jaebum started dating Jinyoung though it had become clear early on neither of their hearts were really in it. When Jaebum broke it off with Jinyoung and tried to ask Mark again just before college, an emergency came up and Mark moved back home with his family in America. Almost a year later Mark returned, only this time he came back with a wife and brother in law. 

Even before his revelation, Jaebum found it odd that Mark had moved back just in time to be his best man at Jinyoung’s and his wedding. Jaebum had chalked it up to weird circumstance but in the five years he had been watching Mark and Amber they seemed to treat each other as warmly as Jinyoung was treating him these days. Disinterested, at best. The only part Jaebum didn’t complain about was that they brought Jackson with them. Jaebum wasn’t quite sure if he had ever harbored feelings for someone, not even Mark, as strongly as he did for Jackson.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets Jaebum frowned. “You ever feel like your life is a gigantic joke and you’re the only asshole that isn’t in on it?” While nothing changed on Mark’s face there was a flicker of something in his eye. “Because that’s what I’ve been feeling for a while now.”

“Yeah?” Mark took a swig of his beer, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “That’s a lot of world for one man, Jb.” Tilting his head to the side Mark smiled even if it didn’t reach his eyes. “Sure that’s not just wishful thinking?”

Jaebum swallowed around the lump in his throat. He needed one person, just one, to be real with him. He needed to know something about his life wasn’t fake. “The only wish I have right now is for you to stop lying to me.” Jaebum glanced down at the label on the beer bottle then back up knowing Mark followed his gaze. “Mark.”

That finally got a reaction. Mark popped his lips, once then again before standing. “Come inside. Amber isn’t home and I need another beer.” Mark stood up motioning him to follow. Glancing around at the staring neighbors Jaebum sighed, then followed through where Mark had left the door open.

Just as Jaebum rounded the corner going into Mark’s kitchen he saw his friend whisper arguing with his brother in law. Jackson stood in the middle of the kitchen, sweats hung low on his hips and blessedly shirtless.

“Hi Jb.” The rough voice knocked him out of his stupor. It was hard to tear his eyes away from the expanse of toned skin but Jackson’s 100 watt smile was a suitable distraction. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Took the day.” Jaebum shrugged a shoulder flashing a toothy grin. “Took the year actually. I quit and walked out.” Jaebum nearly laughed at how wide both Mark and Jackson’s eyes went. They were really trying to sell their emotions but Jaebum wasn’t buying it. He had known them both too long, Mark in particular, to be fooled. “Think I’m going to start producing full time.” Quirking his lips into a smile he added, “If you want to quit the post office you can come to my studio and we can make music.” The flush of red went from Jackson’s hairline down his neck and over the top of the collarbones that had haunted Jaebum’s fantasies since he laid eyes on the man. “Or something like that.”

“I’m sure you would have better reception doing music with your husband.” Jaebum nearly snorted at Jackson’s valiant attempt to draw attention away from himself. The younger was terrible at lying which is why Jaebum figured he was seeing him less and less these days. “Everyone likes when couples make love.” The blush deepened even as Jackson’s voice cracked. “Songs. Love _songs_.” Arching an eyebrow, Jaebum finally broke and let out a chuckle while Mark didn’t bother hiding the fact he was dragging his hands down his face in exasperation. “I have to go.”

“You could just come home with me.” Jaebum pressed again. He wondered how much it would take for them to break. "Maybe lay on your back and let me eat you out until you cry."

"You can't say that." Jackson stammered out, voice breathless. Jaebum _shouldn’t_ say it but he _could_ say it so he did. Though Jaebum did leave out the fact that he thought about Jackson on his back screaming his name more than he thought about his husband. That _would_ be a step too far. Jaebum couldn’t even remember the last time he fantasized about his husband, they slept together sure but their sex life was lackluster. Neither one of them seemed to want to be there, so after the first few years they just stopped trying. Occasionally, usually involving a lot of booze, they found themselves in bed moaning into each other’s mouths.

"I can say whatever I want." Jaebum trailed his eyes up Jackson's body again. He wanted to brand every curve into his brain. Usually Jackson was in layers or a beige tent and Jaebum had to imagine what was under all the fabric. This was a rare treat he probably wouldn’t get again. "This is real life right? Why should we censor ourselves?"

"I...I don't know what to do now." Jackson looked at Mark who was stood stunned into silence. The man's eyes were wide in genuine shock, dark eyebrows firmly in his hairline.

“Leave him alone, Jaebum.” With a sigh Jaebum turned to give a sheepish smile. Next to him Mark’s wife stood nearly as tall as him though Jaebum had no doubt she could javelin throw him through their front window. Amber was always laid back but could be a force of nature when pressed.

“Hi Amber.” Bowing slightly, Jaebum saw Jackson all but flee out of the room from the corner of his eye. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” Her flat look made a real smile appear on his face. “Are you here to save your husband and brother from the insane neighbor or just miraculously have the afternoon off.”

Both Amber and Mark were silent as they watched him. The two shared a few looks until finally Mark ran a hand through his hair and picked up a beer. Mark looked at the bottle a moment, frowned deeply, then adjusted it so that his hand covered the label. It was such an obvious attempt at change that Jaebum felt insulted by it.

“Jae-”

“I was thinking the other day.” Jaebum moved to sit at their kitchen island keeping both of them in his line of sight. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you two kiss.” Resting his chin on a hand Jaebum drummed his fingers again. "You've been together almost as long as me and Jinyoung right?" Amber arched an eyebrow. "All that time and you don't even hold hands. Are you two even married?” Another unsure look passed between the two of them. “Hm, thought so. Is anyone in this town not lying to me?” The silence threatened to deafen him. “I think I should leave.”

Unsurprisingly neither of them stopped him.

Jaebum meandered his way home. Blatantly walking across lawns of people who didn’t say a word, even when he stomped over their flowers. The reality of everything was settling on him like an anvil. Jaebum stopped in the middle of an intersection, all lanes of traffic stopped around him with increasingly agitated people. “Sorry guys not ready to go home yet.” Turning on his heel Jaebum started to weave his way down streets he couldn’t ever really remember going down and watching as people squirmed.

The houses on the street were almost laughably empty. All of their lawns were magazine worthy, perfectly cut grass accented by vibrant flowers giving off the impression that it was well cared for. Jaebum wondered if he walked up to one of the houses if the door would open. Would there be anyone inside, would there even be furniture inside, or would it be empty? Just an oversized dollhouse in a row of dollhouses making up a ghost town.

Turning his feet toward home, Jaebum could feel the sighs of relief from the world around him. Now that he stood in the middle of his street, Jaebum eyed his home warily. It was arguably the nicest house in the neighborhood. While many were made of a bland brick or sided with bright white plastic, his was made of sturdy red bricks paired with a black shingled roof and wide windows that gave everyone a view of the inside of his house when they had the shades open. Jaebum had made the joke when he and Jinyoung first bought the house that the windows made him feel like they were in a fish bowl. Turned out he wasn't too far off the mark.

The memory of their laughter made his heart twist. He and Jinyoung had been best friends since he was seven when the younger had moved into the house next door. Jinyoung had been quiet, a little shy, but most importantly he always had a book. The calm demeanor is what had drawn Jaebum to him since the rest of the kids were always so noisy or looking to make chaos. Jinyoung had been a bubble of blessed silence and continued to be. 

When they became lovers in high school it had felt right. Jinyoung was the first to know he was gay. He was Jaebum’s first kiss, first sticky fumbling in the dark and when Jaebum had married him he really did love him. Sometimes Jaebum looked at Jinyoung and it felt like he was staring at a stranger instead of the man he trusted with all of his secrets. Jaebum wondered what Jinyoung would have to say about all of this, providing he wasn’t in on it.

“Are you going to stand there all night or come in?” In the doorway illuminated by the overhead porch light, his husband stood, arms crossed and frowning. When was the last time Jinyoung had smiled? _Really_ smiled? Jaebum couldn’t remember. “I got us some Kaiser’s chicken for dinner.”

“If you give me the same spiel as Hannah I’m going to step into traffic.” Jaebum scowled walking up his lawn.

“You already did that and look what it got you.” Jinyoung pulled out a yellow piece of paper from his pocket. “Two hundred dollars in tickets.” Jaebum tried to keep the unimpressed look off his face. For annoyed as he was at the world, he didn’t want to make an enemy of Jinyoung. He still loved his husband even if it wasn’t the kind of love either of them deserved. “And you walked out of your job. How are you going to pay for this?” Jaebum stopped barely a breath away, head tilting. “Jae-”

Cupping Jinyoung’s jaw Jaebum kissed him softly. A delicate brush of lips against the other, taking in the soft intake of breath. Trying to feel something, _anything_ , resembling what he had felt for Mark and now Jackson. Trying to feel if Jinyoung felt anything for him.

Nothing.

Jaebum brushed his tongue along the seam of Jinyoung’s lips, swallowing the little sigh as Jinyoung answered his kiss. Jaebum searched deeper between them. Gently, he backed his husband up through the threshold, foot kicking the heavy door shut as he moved to press Jinyoung against the wall. His hands found their way under his husband’s shirt, Jinyoung’s hands threaded into his hair and the _want_ was there. The physical pull of bodies but nothing spectacular, nothing that he wouldn’t get if he kissed another person at the bar and got handsy with them.

Somehow that hurt more.

Pulling back a fraction Jaebum looked into the dark eyes that he knew better than his own. “Are you a lie too, Jin?” Jaebum whispered quietly. At the words Jinyoung stiffened, lips dipping into grimace and Jaebum’s heart broke. Fighting tears Jaebum pulled away. “I’m going to bed. Please don’t come up.”

That night Jaebum laid awake going over every part of his life trying, and failing, to figure out when he seemed to have ended up in a warped reality. Nothing seemed particularly out of the ordinary, no big events or life altering changes. Everything had been the same standard routine day in and day out that the last 25 years seemed one long blur.

Mark used to joke before he left about things never changing. He would point to people and say what they would do next and like magic they would. Jaebum used to chalk it up to Mark being good at reading people but maybe it had been Mark’s way of trying to get Jaebum to pay attention to the world around him. Jaebum had always been too wrapped up in his own head to ever really look up from the tattered notebook filled with lyrics and music he buried his face in. Jaebum figured he owed Mark an apology in the morning.

Taking off his wedding ring Jaebum rolled onto his side, hand sliding into the waistband of his sleep shorts. Normally he kept his fantasies about Jackson firmly in the shower, it was less shameful when he could wash it away. It had always seemed too wrong to think about the man in the bed he shared with his husband, but now he couldn’t be bothered to care. What did he need with propriety when everything in his life from his job to his husband was fake? Did Jinyoung ever love him?

Shaking those thoughts away Jaebum slowly worked himself to hardness. Already his mind was supplying images of Jackson from that afternoon. Jaebum thought of the long line of Jackson's body, how the muscles would look arched up under him, what it might feel to hold his hips as Jaebum fucked him until they were both messy. In his mind, Jaebum heard Jackson's low voice in what he hoped the small noises would be like while he made love to the man until it supplied the sound of Jackson moaning his name as clear as if it was happening. Gasping, Jaebum bit his lip to keep from groaning out Jackson’s name as he came.

If nothing in his life was real then maybe he could have Jackson. A trade off with whoever controlled this.

"I'll do it." Jaebum spoke to the dark not sure if there were cameras around them or where they were in the room. "I'll keep playing along if you let me be in love. Really in love."

****Day 9,126****

For the first time since he got married five years ago Jaebum woke up alone. There was no good morning kiss, no pre-work routine, no hyping himself up for a day of ass numbingly boring shit. Just a silenced alarm and the slow trudge to the bathroom to brush his teeth and the slower march to the kitchen table where Jinyoung sat, two cups of coffee set on the table. His husband looked like he hadn’t slept at all which was a little unfair on his part. Why did Jinyoung get to sit there and look so damn devastated when he was the one being lied to?

Jaebum looked around their kitchen noticing things for the first time. All their canned goods stood in perfect rows with their labels out, same with their cereal and even empty cans of pop. The tiles on the floor had a name stamped into the corner of each square in small but readable letters. The only thing that wasn’t noticeably labeled was their oak table and matching chairs. Even the little orange tabby cat clock over the sink had ‘Kit & Kaboodle’ written across the middle.

Too tired for anger, Jaebum sighed. "No spiel about coffee? Grown wherever, picked by whatever, and roasted just for us." Jaebum sat down heavily in the chair. With numb fingers he grabbed the cup to take a drink. Part of him wanted to dump it out but Jaebum needed the caffeine if he was going to start to unpack whatever his life was. "Why break routine now." Jinyoung barely blinked at him, the slender fingers wrapped around his own coffee cup. The gold ring on his finger made Jaebum’s eyes burn. "Did you ever love me?"

"You used to trust me." Jinyoung spoke but it didn't sound like something he would say. Jaebum wondered if whoever ran this stuffed an earpiece in and now used his husband as his speaker.

"Is this you or someone else?" Jaebum tilted his head frowning. Jinyoung didn't answer, eyes cast downwards. Feeling bold Jaebum took another sip of coffee before asking, "I assume you heard me last night. Do we have a deal?"

"No." Jinyoung gripped the coffee mug tighter, mouth flat lining into a frown. "I'm your husband and we're going to work through whatever you think is going on." That sounded a bit more like Jinyoung but not by much. "Mark called last night." Jaebum rolled his eyes at the lie. No one had called their house in six months. "Jackson is moving back to China. His mom is sick." There were tears lining Jinyoung's eyes when he looked up but his voice was steady. "He's doing the last mail route today."

"Guess I'm going to China then." Jaebum tried to smile as his heart felt like it was ripping in half. "Sorry Jin, I'm leaving you for the mailman."

"God I hate you." Jinyoung let out a surprised watery laugh.

Brushing away his own tears Jaebum grinned again. "I'd have fucked off with the milkman ages ago but his wife is scary." Jokes were all he had left. Standing, Jaebum saw the mail truck roll up and sitting inside was Jackson looking unfairly good in his button up shirt, wide legged shorts and sunglasses. "Who looks that hot in beige? It's ridiculous." Jinyoung seemed to not be paying attention then he slowly stood up too. It was going to take a lot more than a sad face to keep Jaebum inside the house.

To his surprise, an arm wrapped around his waist as lips pressed to his ear. "Go. Before it's too late." The words were so low Jaebum nearly missed them. However, once they were spoken Jaebum moved through the house, out of the door and right up into Jackson's space as the man blinked in surprise. It was almost comical the way the letters fell from his hand onto the ground.

Jaebum ignored the look from his long time neighbor. Ignored the cars stopped in the street. Ignored everything but the man in front of him.

"Good morning Mr. Im." Jackson seemed to remember what he was supposed to be doing. "Got some sad news about my mom. I will-"

"Come upstairs with me." Jaebum could already hear people shuffling around them. Glancing around, then up to the sky and back down Jaebum pushed. "Please." The deep blush was back on Jackson's face. Pleading, Jaebum cupped Jackson's jaw, lips barely an inch from Jackson's. "Let me be in love and I will be whatever you want."

"We can't." Jackson held both of his wrists, the Chinese man looked as devastated as he felt. "Jaebum. You're married."

"I love you. I’ve loved you since I met you." Leaning forward Jaebum nearly got a kiss but Jackson turned his head. "Come inside." Jaebum brushed his lips against a high cheekbone, then skimmed along the skin to where a tear sat in the corner of his eye. "Let me make love to you.” Jaebum saw the clear plastic of an invisible inner ear mic. “Let me have this."

The mic was all the confirmation he needed that he was right. Everything, _everything_ , was a lie. Plucking it out and tossing it into the grass Jaebum caught his gaze. With whoever was barking in his ear silenced the ball was now in Jackson's court.

"I love you too." The words were filled with grief. "I've always loved you." Jaebum wondered how many people were watching this. How many people thought his heart break was entertainment. "Take me inside." Jaebum would have kissed him right there but already people were inching closer. Jaebum wondered how long they would have before Jackson was ripped away.

Fingers laced together, Jaebum lead Jackson into his house, sparing only a passing glance at Jinyoung. There was something lighter about the man, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Jinyoung flashed them a brief smile before his eyes turned to the door, face becoming unreadable. Jaebum would talk with Jinyoung later, maybe be able to work out something that would let him keep Jackson. If Jackson had an ear mic then Jinyoung surely did, and Jaebum intended to use that to his advantage.

Closing the door, Jaebum supposed he should feel guilty about bringing another man into their bedroom. Some deep ingrained sense of loyalty to his husband, even if they had drifted apart, kept him from simply throwing Jackson onto the teal duvet. Instead Jaebum locked the door and pressed Jackson against the wall marvelling that he had come with him. Being that close made Jaebum’s heart hammer in his chest, every inch of his skin felt alive as he was drawn to the man. Jaebum would have been worried this too was a lie but the reaction of his neighbors and Jinyoung’s words gave him hope it wasn’t. That Jackson’s interest was something real and the dusting of pink across his cheeks was genuine.

Tucking a stray wisp of hair back, Jaebum asked, "Do you want to do this?" The small, delighted smile he got in return calmed his heart a little more. "I do. It's all I can think about some days." Untucking Jackson's shirt he slid his hands up the warm skin underneath. "You're all I think about when I get off." Grabbing a handful of Jackson's ass he pressed their bodies together finding Jackson just as hard in his shorts as him. “You’re all I ever think about.” 

"Yes." Jackson rolled his hips up, the small gasp ruining every one of Jaebum's fantasies. In a hundred years he could have never have been able to imagine a sound as beautiful as that. "I think about you too." Another hip roll and Jackson groaned low, the vibration going right through Jaebum's body. "They’re going to take me away." Already Jaebum could hear people moving around the house while Jinyoung yelled for them to leave. "I'll come back for you." Jackson pressed their foreheads together, fingers slipping something into Jaebum's pocket. "Jaebum. I'll never give up on you."

Just like he had outside the house, Jaebum ignored the pounding on the door. The flickering lights. He ignored the heaviness of his heart to close the few inches between them. The moment his lips brushed against Jackson's it was magic.

It was home.

It didn't last nearly long enough.

The lights flickered a few times before powering down and suddenly he was being pulled away.

"DON'T TAKE HIM!" Jaebum screamed, desperately trying to fight back against the arms holding him. "YOU TOOK MY LIFE! YOU TOOK _EVERYTHING_! YOU CAN'T TAKE JACKSON TOO!" At the slam of the door he sobbed brokenly, body falling limp. “You _can’t_.”

Jaebum found himself set onto his bed a moment before the lights flicked back on. Standing at the foot of their bed was Jinyoung, deep purple bruise covering part of his face. Jinyoung had tried to help him, a small comfort.

"He's gone." Jinyoung stood a moment longer before cautiously sitting next to him. "I tried talking to them. I swear I did." Jaebum pressed his trembling fingers to his lips. It had gone so wrong so fast. "I do love you." Jinyoung sounded miserable. "Just not in the right way."

"Why?" Jaebum looked up finally asking the question that had been plaguing him. "What's the point?" Jaebum nearly wished he could go back to not knowing. To being blissfully ignorant. To living in resigned apathy with his joyless job and miserable husband. At least then his heart wouldn’t feel like it had been carved from his chest.

"They wanted to film real human emotions or something." Jinyoung laid down on his side to face him. "I was too young to understand when I was cast." 

"Has it been my whole life?" Jaebum dreaded the answer but deep down he knew what it was.

"Yes." Jinyoung reached over his shoulder to turn the lamp away. “From the moment you were conceived to right now. They’re watching and listening.”

“Who?” Jaebum felt like he was going to be sick. Every embarrassing thing he had ever done had been broadcast. How many cameras were in the house? In his job? Did he ever have any privacy?

“The whole world.” Jaebum’s heart thudded so hard he wished it would punch out of his chest and end him. “The Jaebum Show runs twenty-four hours. All day every day.” Jinyoung reached up to pull out an ear mic. Once he set it on the bed between them he pointed around the room. “Five thousand some cameras, give or take a hundred, are in this little town. You’re the most famous person in the whole world.” Jaebum tried to focus on breathing but he felt dizzy. “There are about seven billion people in the world. Little over five billion of that watch you at least once a day.”

“When does it end?” Jaebum looked at the ear mic laying innocently on the duvet. “When do I get to leave?”

“You don’t.”


	2. Behind the Curtain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a look from the outside of the fishbowl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet heebus it's been a minute since i've updated this. i have no defense tbh, i got distracted with other stuff. hope you all enjoy this chap <3 - s

*****Day 9,136*****

Jackson found himself unemployed, nearly blackballed from acting, and drowning in gag orders carried over from his contract. He couldn't do interviews, couldn't talk to anyone about what he did in the show, or his role. Not that he cared about any of that. All he cared about was the man now unreachable. The only connection he had to Jaebum was through a glass screen, just like everyone else in the world

Falling in love, actual love, was not the plan when he had auditioned for the role. Everyone loved Jaebum, he was impossible not to love even without the show framing him as the boy next door. Jaebum was quiet and shy, devastatingly handsome. Jackson had thought it was going to be easy to just be within his orbit. Mark was already an established character who had to be pulled so Jaebum married the ‘right’ person regardless of how any of them felt. When he arrived on set Mark had been standoff-ish to everyone from the JYP staff to Jackson himself, the dark eyes always calculating. It took months for Mark to talk to him when they were off camera and years for the man to trust him.

Meeting _the_ Im Jaebum had been the most surreal experience of his life. Jackson had been told to follow Mark’s lead, don’t say much at first and they would feed him lines if he fumbled. Boy did he fumble. Seeing Jaebum up close was something that no one could really prepare for, especially not after spending most of his life watching the man. Jackson had stammered and babbled and choked on his own spit through the entire time they were hanging out at Jaebum’s house. By the time they left with Mark laughing at him, Jackson was pretty sure he had made a total ass of himself but he was able to keep his job and by some cruel god’s whim Jaebum seemed to like him and worse so did his husband.

It was nearly a year later when Mark had taken him out to dinner on one of their rare off days. Their characters were supposedly off visiting someone or another. Neither of them really paid attention, they would be fed the necessary details when needed through their ear mics. Mark had waited until they were alone to bring him in on his master plan. Mark intended to derail the show as much as possible and maybe, just maybe, get Jaebum out of his fishbowl. Mark said that at first he was excited to be on the show but as time went on being part of this lie made him sick. Seeing what they did to Jaebum for the sake of ratings and money made him angry and at first this had just been a job but now Jaebum was his friend and he wouldn’t stand for this.

_Ping!_

_Unknown Number: Almost to the diner. See you soon._

Jackson regarded the text on his phone, leg bouncing anxiously. The first text had come in the same day he had been fired, a small blip in an already apocalyptically bad day that he had nearly missed. The text was short, just the name of the diner, a date and a time. There was no name attached, nothing to indicate who sent it but Jackson was decently sure it was someone from the show. It was likely someone who was in on Mark’s plan since few people had his Korean phone number to begin with. When Jackson had gone back to his rarely used apartment in Seoul he found the same text on his secondary phone, his _Chinese_ phone. The number of people who knew he even had a secondary cell phone outside of his family was maybe seven.

Part of him, the more rational part really, told him not to go. Jackson didn't think anyone would hurt him but the show runners had promised to make his life a nightmare for fucking with their plans. Even his agent has spent the better part of an hour giving a whole sermon about how bad he messed up and how Jaebum was a national treasure, one that Jackson had no right to put his hand on. Still, Jackson couldn't bring himself to ignore the text. If it was someone who was going to hurt him than so be it, but it could also be an ally. Or maybe Mark, no small part of him _hoped_ it was Mark. He could use some of the American's brazenness, or at least the ability to lie as easily as Mark did. 

The curiosity had kept him up nearly every night from that day until Jackson left his apartment for the diner an hour ago. In the little diner that was barely big enough to fit the few booths and breakfast bar Jackson sat with a cup of cheap tea waiting, eyes drawn to the little screen watching helplessly as Jaebum lay on his bed, the lamp camera returned to its original position. Not that it mattered. Jaebum hadn't moved from the bed to do much more than piss in the week following Jackson being removed. The most interaction Jaebum had was when Jinyoung would come lay on the bed with him to talk in hushed tones that rarely ever got picked up by the microphones. When they first started laying together everyone had thought they were making up, a show that their marriage could bounce back from a potential cheating scandal. That was blown to shit when Jinyoung had taken off his wedding ring, the gold band going back into a little box on their dresser and told Jaebum that he missed his best friend. Jackson knew it had to be pissing the show runners off something fierce but whatever they had on Jinyoung to keep him in line must not have been enough for the man to truly listen.

"Man he's really hung up on that guy." A man at the bar took a sip of his coffee, face pinched in annoyance. Jackson dropped his eyes down a moment to look at him wondering if this was who he was supposed to be meeting. Probably not. The man looked to be in his early fifties, salt and pepper hair slicked down with sweat while the rest of him was covered in blotchy black stains that Jackson guess was from being a mechanic. Behind the counter the girl pouring coffee rolled her eyes behind long purple bangs but said nothing, likely to protect what little tip the man would leave though she clearly disagreed. When no one argued the man continued, voice carrying a bit more with the new found confidence. "Just goes to show the gays don't know how to be loyal."

There was a murmur of agreement until a voice shot back, "That’s rich coming from the guy who’s married and grabs ass at any girl who walks by." At the bar the man sputtered out an outraged noise, coffee sloshing over the rim of his cup and onto his dirty mechanics uniform when he smacked the cup down. "How many times have you been ran out of here for making the girls uncomfortable? Pity the owner isn't here to kick you out." Around the room the handful of other patrons turned their heads back to their plates or cups as if the things in front of them suddenly became the most interesting thing in the room.

Jackson looked at the man, recognition hitting him even as it made no sense for him to be at a small shitty diner. At the booth across from him Bambam sat head held high, face impassive at the indigent man. 

When Jaebum had been in high school the cast lost two members within a day of the world voting Jinyoung to be Jaebum’s boyfriend. The two boys were Bambam and Youngjae, they had been in the pool of boys that the show runners had selected to be in 'high school' with Jaebum to keep the illusion of a normal life since they couldn't (wouldn't) send him to a real school. There were others, of course. Extras and a few hired bullies to give the authentic feel of school but very few of the cast were allowed to interact with Jaebum on more than a surface level. As Jaebum began to age and his sexual interest was _clearly_ not in any of the girls who fawned over him, the directors were going to let Jaebum choose who he was going to date, then marry from the carefully selected cast of boys. A kindness that many had praised them for since the show was about filming human life with only a minimal amount of interference. But as soon as they realized they could inflate ratings by letting people choose which boy they took the choice from him. 

Jackson wondered if it would have changed anything if Jaebum had been allowed to marry Mark like he had wanted. Or marry the boy who had been an extra during his college years that he had taken an interest in but was pulled away. Instead Jaebum was married to Jinyoung who had never wanted to be married to him. The man loved Jaebum, but not romantically and Jackson was grateful that it never turned into resentment. That there was one person who was always willing to put his reputation on the line to protect Jaebum from the world - or as best as he could given the circumstances. 

Many people thought that Bambam and Youngjae had left because they were upset they weren’t chosen, even Jackson had thought that. At least until Bambam resurfaced the year before, nearly seven years since he walked off, as a fully barred lawyer working with an international team at KOZ Lawfirm. KOZ had been founded by two former cast members, Jiho and Kyung, who had left the show after the directors staged an incident that ended in Jaebum nearly breaking his back. Between the three of them and a few senior members of another law firm that Jiho had convinced to join their fight, KOZ was coming close to being able to take JYP.E to court.

"Listen here." The man bristled a little, yellowed teeth flashing in a sneer. "This isn't any of your business. Why don't you fuck off." 

Around the diner a few people shifted uncomfortably in their seats as Bambam did a sweep of the room. "It also bears to mention, they were shoehorned into a marriage because a world of people voted between five teenage boys. It’s pretty fucked up, don’t you think?" Bambam took a sip of his tea. "You're insulting a man who has never been allowed to make a life choice for himself." The diner was quiet. No one ever liked to be reminded of things like that.

Jackson found it amazing that people never thought of Jaebum as human, as if he was some vague caricature on the screen that lacked any real substance. There were still some people who thought the show was scripted, even after nearly thirty years. More so after Jaebum came out as gay and JYP Entertainment suddenly became a gay rights activists company. They had to legitimately get laws changed and precedents overturned in over fifteen countries to stay on air. Every small choice Jaebum was allowed to make changed the status quo of the world. It was unsettling that one man held that much power. 

Jaebum would hate it if he knew.

Realizing no one was going to jump in to help, the mechanic fished out his wallet to pay. "Still, it's a little greedy wanting the mail guy." Along the bar a few people nodded their heads but none spoke up.

"What's 'greedy' is seven billion people holding a man hostage because their own lives are boring." Bambam dragged his dark gaze around the room. 

For just a moment Bambam looked at him, and it made Jackson's heart clench in his chest. Bambam probably hated him too. He had been complicit, even if he did get thrown out. 

When the mechanic showed himself out the diner remained wrapped in the heavy silence, the only sound was the small crying sounds from the TV. On the screen Jaebum had turned toward the camera, face red and blotchy in grief. Nothing like the smiling face that JYP.E had sold on countless items. Jaebum was hurting and Jackson hated himself for not being strong enough to turn him down. If he had, they might have let him stay.

Probably not.

They had taken Mark away and forced him to get 'married'. It was likely they would have done the same to him. Or worse. Jackson could have been like so many other cast members and simply disappeared. Over the years people who worked on set either gained a conscious or became jaded enough that being part of the farce no longer affected them. Jackson was grateful that he had never truly become numb to what was going on around him.

Unable to watch the man he loved grieve, Jackson turned back to his his phone wondering if the person on the other end of the text would ever show up.

"So you really pissed people off." Jackon's eyes shot up and went wide in disbelief. Across from him, Bambam sat with his cup of tea. The man had table jumped so quietly Jackson didn't notice. That or he was too wrapped up in his own head.

"Uh. Yeah." Jackson couldn't find his words. Bambam tilted his head, face remaining carefully blank. There was something about Bambam's eyes that made Jackson feel naked, like he was stripped down to bones.

"Mark says you're a decent guy." Jackson squirmed a little while Bambam dissected him with his eyes. "You had to know what would happen if you broke the rules like that." Jackson nodded a yes. He had been warned repeatedly during his tenure at the show and then in screaming voices through the hidden earpiece the day of the ‘incident’. "And yet you did it anyway."

"You going to rip me apart if I say I'm in love with him?" Jackson fiddled with the coffee cup. The soft chime of the bells filled the room as the door opened. "It wasn't just for show or whatever. I love him." The burn of tears had come back. It was the first time he had gotten to say it out loud to someone since being dragged out but the words felt hollow. "God I'm so stupid."

Jackson pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes a moment to fight back tears. When he finally pulled them back there was a second unexpected person standing next to their table. Jinyoung. 

Of course it was.

"Hey babe." Jinyoung leaned down to kiss Bambam softly then slid into the booth next to Jackson. "I see you got my text. How you holding up?"

Babe? Oh. Jackson looked between the two and his heart broke more. The whole fucking situation was a tragedy. Jackson had never thought about what it must be like for Jinyoung. To have half the world hate him for being married to their dream boy and the other half scrutinizing his every move. Jackson couldn't fathom how utterly lonely it had to be for Jinyoung on the precarious pedestal he found himself on.

"Not great." Jackson's eyes were pulled to the TV. Jaebum had fallen asleep but not a peaceful one if his face was anything to go by. "But at least I can cry in private." Jinyoung wasn't his friend per se, it always seemed like he was trying to set him up with Jaebum, his _husband_. Which, in retrospect, maybe he was. 

All dedicated cast members were territorial about Jaebum though Jinyoung had always been kind to him. After the first year Jinyoung had joined him on Jackson's morning jogs and trips to the gym while they killed time during Jaebum's 'work day'. When Jaebum wasn't working Jinyoung had always found ways to leave them alone in a room together or turn conversations to where they would talk. Jackson had just assumed Jinyoung wanted Jaebum to have more friends than just Mark even when it was _clearly_ obvious now what he was doing. Jackson wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse about it.

On one hand he was embarrassed that Jinyoung had noticed his pining, which meant everyone else did too. On the other, it meant that Jinyoung wanted Jaebum to be happy. Forcing his eyes away from where they’d been drawn to the TV Jackson looked between Jinyoung and Bambam again, the two clearly sharing a moment through a single look. How hard was it for them? Being in love, because it had to be love to live their lives like this, and yet be separated by a TV screen.

Jackson wondered if Bambam even held a hand to the smooth glass of a monitor pretending to touch his love's face. Jackson had. Over the last few weeks he'd paused the show on his phone when Jaebum appeared and held it to his chest when the tears became too much.

"Well Jackson. You've been snatched away." Bambam watched him curiously. On the white plastic of the table Bam’s painted and ringed fingers threaded together. One perfectly shaped eyebrow raised up, "What are you going to do about it?"

"The hell does that mean?" Jackson bristled. What could he do? JYP.E had a nearly thirty year head start to make sure that Jaebum would live and die in the little town of Seahaven that they had created.

"It means exactly what I said." Bambam leaned forward, eyes sharp. Next to him, Jinyoung watched them quietly. "Lots of people are in love with Jb and do shit to help him. What are _you_ going to do?"

*****Day 9,166****

In the month following the impromptu meeting at the diner, Jackson found himself adopted by the little group of people Bambam had gathered in his time out of the show. There were maybe fifteen in total, most of them working with Bambam’s law firm to put together a legal case against the company. Occasionally Jiho and Kyung would stop by, the two looking even less like lawyers than Bambam did but Jackson was smart enough not to say it.

Their biggest hurdle was that when the show started, JYP Entertainment had already spent the nine months while Jaebum was in utero ensuring they had laws in place around the world to make the show legal when he was born. Once the lobbyists had wormed their way into places and those in power had been bought out, they had set out to make sure that The Jaebum Show would run uninterrupted until they put their title character in the ground.

Of the fifteen that actively worked at the law firm, the inner circle of Bambam’s group was smaller than Jackson had expected. Bambam had only two people he trusted with every piece of this. First was Youngjae who turned out to be Bambam and Jinyoung’s second partner in their polycule. The second was Bambam's childhood friend Yugyeom. Both men were wildly different than Jackson had expected. 

Youngjae, who had been bright as sunshine during the show, usually sat back quietly watching as things unfolded. The frankly frighteningly complex system that Youngjae used for his algorithms put even the best coder Jackson knew to shame. Using the system he built and a group of close knit internet contacts, Youngjae waited for opportune moments to strike against the show, usually dealing deep blows. Like both of his partners, Youngjae played the long game and sometimes Jackson thought he was better than even Bambam at it. 

On the other side of Youngjae was their maknae. Yugyeom could be shy but the moment he got worked up he wielded more charisma than even Jaebum. Yugyeom spent a lot of time working with the public. Yugyeom was the face of all their rallys, petitions, and protests. Their maknae hated the show, being friends with a cast member - a fallen one at that - had spoiled the whole illusion. Yugyeom had told Jackson that it was hard to get into watching something when he knew the poison it took to make it. While he never watched the show directly, Yugyeom would watch old compilations from when Mark and Jaebum still danced when he thought no one was watching.

Their base of operations was Bambam and Youngjae’s house, tucked away from the city and prying eyes. The house had three floors, a mix of elegant minimalist design (Bambam) and clutter bitch (Yugyeom and Youngjae). Due to allergies the floors were divided. The basement was the dedicated Dog Area of the house, Youngjae's two dogs running around or curling up on the lap of whoever sat down long enough for them to notice. The top floor was the dedicated Cat Area, Bambam's three lounging about. The main floor was the neutral space, leaving the kitchen and main rooms safe for everyone to use. On days when Bambam would bring his work home the Thai man was a bear to deal with until Youngjae would inevitably banish him to his office in Cat Territory so the rest of them could move around without getting glares.

The living room had been converted into a tech lab of sorts where Youngjae had a fifteen screen set up across the walls. Most of the screens were used for the video games that he supported himself with, the others filled with various information sources. The news, random internet pages involving laws, several of sub-reddits about the show. On one screen _was_ the show. Jaebum back in resigned apathy sitting on his porch while his ‘neighbors’ tried and failed to bring him back.

“He looks sick.” Youngjae pointed to the screen where Jaebum sat at his desk, a dozen or so ripped up papers filled with lyrics or Jackson’s name smudged with tears. “He isn’t eating again.” Youngjae pulled up a document on a screen to type the update in Jaebum’s habits. Collecting information, examining the show from all angles and tracking changes in Jaebum’s health in response to things happening around him was a full time job. One that Youngjae was able to have due to Bambam’s success as a lawyer and his own gaming streams.

Jackson wished he could reach through to touch him, to hold Jaebum to his chest and tell him it was going to be okay. That they were going to break him out, maybe not soon but eventually. Every day that Jaebum remained on camera Jackson’s heart found a new way to break.

With a blip, the screen changed. Instead of Jaebum the man on screen was someone that only the staff of the show ever saw. Christoff, director of the show and the head of the board at JYP.E. Lounging in a plush red chair situated in the middle of what Jackson knew was the show's control room, was the man who created the show and was responsible for all the suffering Jaebum had endured. Christoff sat one long leg cross over the other and black a beret to match his turtleneck. It was wild that so much pain was caused by one man who could be blown over by a stiff wind.

Across from him a reporter sat at a little desk, both chairs quarter turned to allow them to look at each other with ease but still facing the audience.

_“We’d like to thank you, Mister Christoff, for agreeing to meet with us. We know you prefer your privacy.” The reporter reached across to shake hands with the man._

“That’s fucking rich.” Youngjae sneered, eyes narrowing. “ _He_ enjoys his privacy while selling Jb out.”

“Hush.” Bambam entered the room bearing coffee for the three of them.

“ _Christoff, why do you think that Jaebum has never come close to discovering the true nature of his world until now?” The reporter took a sip from the glass of water that sat next to him._

“ _We accept the reality of the world of which we are presented.” Christoff spoke quietly. The man shifted a little in his chair to get more comfortable. “It’s as simple as that._ ”

Jackson squirmed a bit in his seat, shame bubbling in his stomach. Again. He had been a part of that fake reality, they all had. They sold it so convincingly that Jaebum had never questioned it, never suspected that he couldn't trust the people he should have been able to trust. If they ever got Jaebum out, Jackson would spend the rest of his life making amends to him.

“ _We have a few callers on the line. Would you mind answering some of their questions?” Christoff shrugged but eventually gave the go ahead._

Seeing the man sit on screen acting like he was the one being put out made Jackson want to scream. He wanted to again climb through the screen and beat the man who held Jaebum senseless. He was so angry he missed the first few callers until Youngjae’s voice filtered through the screen as well as coming from beside him.

“Hi I’d just like to say Christoff, you’re a fake and a liar.” Youngjae held the phone to his ear with his shoulder while his fingers tapped silently against his other, other, other cell phone screen.

On the screen Christoff's head tilted to the side, eyes going distant. The blue eyes flicked off screen then back, likely someone telling him who was on the line. Christoff paid so little attention to anyone that wasn't Jaebum that when Jackson had gotten fired the man didn't even know his name.

“ _Ah, we know that voice don’t we. Hello Youngjae. It’s nice to hear from a former cast mate.” Christoff’s smile turned into something smug._

“ _Let’s go to the next caller.” In the seat next to Christoff the reporter shuffled in his seat uncomfortably._

It was clear that this was a wrench in the shitty PR attempt to soothe people who were starting to turn against the show. It was easy for people to justify keeping Jabeum in his fishbowl when he was happy, easier to pretend he had the perfect life. Now that Jaebum laid in bed crying for days at a time while Jinyoung and Mark were an immovable wall protecting him, the ratings were dropping drastically.

“ _No, no.” Christoff held his hand up. “It’s fine. I like to reminisce with former members of the cast. Even if their departure was, we'll call it less than gracious._ ”

Jackson watched as Youngjae’s face flared bright red. It was clear the younger wanted to say something that would get him booted off the call before he could say what he needed. Already threads were exploding in various other screens along the wall.

“ _Youngjae. Are you still upset because we had chosen Jinyoung to be Jaebum’s husband? That, after you had thrown yourself at him to get yourself and your politics a few minutes in the limelight, it was ultimately for nothing?” Christoff rested his chin on his fist looking to the world like he was bored. “Do you think you know him? That you know what is right for him?_ ”

Jackson saw Bambam cringe at the look of sheer rage that crawled into Youngjae's face. Youngjae had tried to tell Jaebum about being on camera before he had been dragged away. Where Bambam had disappeared in silence Youngjae had gone out with a bang. It was one of the few times before now Jaebum had stopped to question the world around him.

“My issue, you meglo-fucking-maniac is that you took a baby and threw him in a _cage_ for nearly thirty years.” Youngjae hissed, fingers typing on the computer keys interacting with someone or another. “Don’t you ever feel guilty? An ounce of shame for the life you’ve stolen from him?”

“ _He could leave at any time he wanted. If it were more than just a vague notion, if he were absolutely determined to discover the truth.” Christoff paused, pale blue eyes looking into the camera. “Then there is nothing we could do to prevent him.” Christoff paused again, face going smug again. “What distresses you caller, is that ultimately Jaebum prefers his ‘cell’, as you call it._ ”

"You're a liar and Jaebum being forced to stay on camera is proof of that." Youngjae hung up the phone, or was hung up on. 

Throwing the phone down, Youngjae began to work on a few of the screens off to the side. The oldest of their maknae line was good at things like this, at rallying interest at key points. Once he got people thinking, Yugyeom would swing in with his cute face and spine of steel.

“ _Well aside from the heated comments of a very vocal minority, it’s been an overwhelmingly positive experience.” The reporter smiled nervously between Christoff and the camera_.

“ _Yes, for Jaebum and the viewing public._ ”

“ _Christoff, I can’t thank you enough for your time.” The reporter’s smile widened a little more. “With the Jackson Crisis behind us, I’m sure we have much to look forward to in the episodes ahead._ ”

“ _Well truth be told.” Christoff sat up a little straighter. “Jinyoung will be staying in Seahaven for the time being, however we will be bringing in a new romantic interest.” On the TV, a casting call appeared on the side. “We will be holding a casting call starting next week._ ”

“That’s it.” Bambam grinned around his coffee cup. “That’s our in.”

*****Day 9,190*****

Jackson watched on the screen as Yugyeom smiled at the camera next to a pensive Christoff. Beaming at the camera, the maknae talked about how he hated the show only because he had been spurned by the casting director years before. Now that he had a second opportunity to be close to Jaebum he dropped his stance and called for his supporters to do so as well.The screens below the broadcast fed from Youngjae's computer showed the carefully built web the maknae line had woven with the contacts they had gained over the years beginning to do its work. The cries of outrage and betrayal layered with PR releases from KOZ cutting ties with Yugyeom. The puzzle pieces were falling into place one by one.

It was a ballsy play, one that Jackson didn't think would work. Making people believe Yugyeom and Bambam actually hated each other was a stretch for anyone who knew them. The two were known childhood friends, and their reputations were tied so close it was hard to keep them straight. Still, when the two wanted something accomplished nothing kept them from their goal. For the millionth time Jackson was grateful that they were on Jaebum's side.

They had started with the old rumors that Yugyeom had wanted attention since his best friend got casted. Youngjae, under one of his many internet names made complications that he spread out to the anonymous sites. A few other of Youngjae's friends had bumped it to go viral across the major platforms. Yugyeom himself made a few vague posts about not getting any headway, not getting enough recognition for his work. Seventy-two hours later Yugyeom and Bambam had a public fight, something not uncommon for them, in front of the casting building. Bam had called him a leech, Yugyeom called Bam an attention whore. Even the cops were called. 

Jackson wondered if he could nominate them for an acting award after this was all said and done.

Now, their baby was standing on screen with a shy smile and pink cheeks while Christoff thought he won. The man was smart, Christoff likely knew that this was a ploy and made plans to keep Yugyeom in line. But the opportunity to cast someone, especially as a love interest, after they had campaigned so long and hard against them was too good to pass up. The show was hoping to use Yugyeom to turn the tide of bad opinions.

Jackson nearly pitied them. Instead of a compliant star-struck boy, they were getting six feet of steel spined brat. Now KOZ just had to finish putting their lawsuit together before Yugyeom burned the whole place down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
> https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
> S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
> K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


	3. As the world falls down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a million thanks to rae who went through and fixed the fact that i can't keep my tenses straight <3 - s

****Day 9,126****

The night Jackson had been taken Jinyoung had curled protectively around him while Jaebum wept. Their foreheads pressed together, Jinyoung whispered the truth of his world to Jaebum quietly. Softly, Jinyoung told him about how he had answered a casting call because he wanted to be an actor even at seven. When he came they had given him the spiel and it felt so good to be chosen to be _Im Jaebum's_ best friend. To be chosen for _him._

Jinyoung had held him tighter, whispering that he had felt so good when Jaebum came out to him, that they were _really_ friends. But it felt worse and worse because he had fallen in love with another actor. Not that any of it had mattered, before Jinyoung could pursue anything the directors shipped Mark off and told him that he was going to marry Jaebum. Jinyoung couldn't stop them from doing any of it since it was in his contract. Unless Jinyoung left, the choice was out of their hands. Leaving would have freed him, but Jinyoung knew that he would just be replaced and they would have someone else start all over, make _Jaebum_ start all over and lose the only person that Jinyoung knew for sure loved him, even if it wasn't the right kind.

The next morning Jaebum had found Jiyoung’s wedding ring sitting on his dresser. When asked Jinyoung kissed his forehead, “It’s not mine. It hasn’t been mine for a long time.” Jaebum nearly crumbled at the tenderness. “You’re my best friend Jb, and you deserve to be happy.”

*

*****Day 9,145*****

Jaebum wondered if people still watched him. He hadn’t gotten up to do much more than piss in over two weeks. Jinyoung would bully him into the shower every couple days, his husband changing the bedding while he stood in the stall. If Jaebum had his way then he’d not shower at all, he didn’t want to give whoever controlled his life the satisfaction. But Jinyoung insisted and always stood close while he changed clothes which helped. Jaebum hadn’t even begun to process the fact that the world over had seen him naked - had seen him _have sex_. If he thought too hard about any of it he would have acute panic attacks that left him violently ill.

During those two weeks he and Jinyoung shared deeper, more intimate moments than they had in all the years they’d been married, but they were all platonic. At night Jinyoung laid in their bed, their bodies close but never touching unless Jaebum reached out for him. It was the closest they had been in years, since maybe high school. Back when Jaebum could still recall Jinyoung being happy, actually happy. Jaebum loved his best friend more than he loved anyone, but they couldn’t make up for the parts of them that didn’t fit together.

On one of the rare days Jaebum managed to drag himself from bed, he stumbled downstairs with the intent to get some food. Jinyoung had taken to bringing him up meals since Jaebum had been intent to just wither away. When he reached the foyer at the end of the stairs he could barely make out that Jinyoung was arguing with someone.

“-stoff wants you to put your ring back on.” A woman’s voice hissed. It sounded like Hannah from the office but Jaebum couldn’t fathom why they thought Jinyoung would be cowed by anyone let alone her. “It’s in your contract Jinyoung. If you won’t play the role of husband we’ll find him a new one.”

The laugh from Jinyoung was brittle enough that it made the hair on Jaebum’s neck stand on end. “No he won’t.” Jaebum wished he was as sure as Jinyoung was about that. When the apathy faded enough for him to feel things Jaebum was terrified they would take away the only person keeping him sane. “If you take me away from Jb, Christoff won’t have anyone who’s close enough to Jaebum to communicate with him.”

“What do you want?” Hannah shot back. “A raise? A cheating scandal of your own? The ratings are tanking because he’s not moving from bed. We’re all going to be out of a job, you selfish fuck.”

“Christoff already has the _one thing_ we both want. Jackson.” Jinyoung’s voice was steady. In his mind’s eye, Jaebum could picture the exact unimpressed look that Jinyoung had on his face. Jaebum had been on the ass end of that look many times before. “I’ve given my whole life for this show, for Jaebum. If Christoff wants to remove me from the show, not only can he kiss the rest of his ratings goodbye.” Jinyoung sounded colder than Jaebum had ever heard. “He can kiss the whole show goodbye because there will be a news story on every channel about what he’s put Jaebum through.”

“You think Jaebum is really going to thank you?" Hannah's laugh was an ugly one. "You're really fucking high and mighty considering you're just as guilty as the rest of us.” Jaebum inched out a little more. He wondered if he was out of camera and that’s why no one had stopped the two from arguing. “You’re supposed to be his best friend, his husband but youre just as much a lie as us.”

That made Jaebum pause. He hated she was right, and Jaebum knew that Jinyoung did too.

“You need to leave.” Jaebum popped his head around the corner. In the middle of their living room Hannah stood with her arms crossed while Jinyoung sat in his recliner. 

“Put your ring back on, kiss your husband, or you’re going to be replaced.” Hannah’s voice rang with such finality that Jaebum couldn’t stomach it any more.

He padded quietly across the floor, though with the cameras it didn’t matter. No sooner had he made it off the stairs did the two turn to look at him. Watching the mask fall over Hannah’s face disturbed him even though Jaebum had heard them talking. The woman who had been all but snarling at Jinyoung the moment before had suddenly melted to the overly friendly, if not vacuous person Jaebum had known for years.

“Hi Bu-”

“Get the fuck out of my house.” Jaebum stood Jinyoung, hand on his shoulder. “I’ll get out of bed for your shitty song and dance.” Hannah’s face scrunched in disapproval but she said nothing. “If Jinyoung is taken away, you’ll all regret it.”

***

*****Day 9,200*****

True to his word, and in an attempt to not be swallowed by his grief, Jaebum had taken to walking around Seahaven. Each day he forced himself up, usually showered, and then moved one foot in front of the other. He still refused to go back to work, but had begun fiddling with the idea of buying - or taking - some equipment to start a music studio in his basement. If he couldn't leave, then he was going to do what he wanted and they'd either let him get away with it or maybe, _maybe_ , call this whole farce off. Either way, he was done playing their game. He had asked for one thing, asked to be able to be in love and they took Jackson away.

During his walks the people of the town he'd known for his whole life stared at him, most of them uncomfortable. A few people obviously trying to keep face tried to talk to him, but instead of answering Jaebum just stared blankly until they finally shuffled away. The only people he interacted with were Mark and Jinyoung, though he knew the two were on thin ice with whoever ran this. Mark was subdued, thin lipped and always glaring somewhere over Jaebum's shoulder. 

At home, Jinyoung was as quiet as Mark. Not that his husband had ever been one to run around or do a bunch of spontaneous things, but he _was_ fun to be around. Even when they struggled to be on the same page in their marriage, Jinyoung was funny, always able to make Jaebum laugh. Even if they weren't compatible as husbands, Jaebum wanted his best friend back. He wanted both of his friends back.

"You must be the other mister Im." Standing next to the mail truck in a distinctly less baggy beige tent was a new face. It was startling to see someone new, no matter how cute the boy was. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Yugyeom."

In the corner of his eye, Jaebum had to keep himself from laughing. Mark stood next to Jinyoung on his porch, the older looking like he got smacked with a branch. Even if he wanted to laugh, Jaebum understood why Mark was knocked over, Yugyeom was beautiful. Tall, fluffy honey blonde hair and a cute little eye mole that reminded Jaebum of a boy he had gone to school with. 

Considering the mailman getup and how beautiful he was, Jaebum wondered if Yugyeom was meant to placate him. Meant a pretty distraction to lure him out of bed while also keeping him from causing more trouble. Or, the people who ran this had really thought Jackson could be replaced so easily.

"Mister Im?" Jaebum blinked again trying to tack a smile onto his face but likely failing. 

"Call me Jb." Yugyeom smiled, face going a little pink. If anything that seemed to make Mark lose it even more. "Want to come inside?"

Yugyeom paused a moment, eyes skittering away. Since the cat was out of the bag, Jaebum figured their standards for actors must have dropped. No one even pretended anymore. Jaebum wondered, a little cruelly perhaps, how uncomfortable he could make Yugyeom before inciting a reaction. Jaebum had never been one to be needlessly cruel but resentment had begun to fester in his heart.

“I need you to sign for a package.” Yugyeom held out a clipboard, a small parcel in his hand.

“Who is it from?” Jaebum squiggled a few lines. If he was as big of a star as Jinyoung had claimed, Jaebum wondered if they sold off his signed papers as autographs. 

“Mister Im.” Jaebum leveled the flattest glare he could summon. His husband? Why would Jinyoung send him a package? They _lived_ together for fucks sake.

Jaebum didn’t want to open it, least of all outside. But his neighbors had moved a little closer, all of them curiousJaebum peeled open the paper, a simple brown cardboard color with...Jaebum looked at it again a little disbelieving. The postmark was _Hong Kong._

A little angrily he demanded, “What is this?”

“Sorry sir. I just deliver the packages.” Yugyeom shrugged. The cute blush that had covered his cheeks had disappeared leaving a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Nestled inside the box a small triangle pendant sat unassuming on a gold chain. As Jaebum tilted it in the light to examine it, he noticed a small engraving. Hidden inside one of the leaves of the palm trees was a small **王** that he would have missed if not for a stray beam of sunlight catching it.

Jackson.

Jaebum’s world felt it started to shift under his feet. Did Yugyeom know Jackson? Did Jackson actually send the necklace? Or was this just another way someone had decided to fuck with him? Jaebum studied Yugyeom’s face trying, and failing to see whose side the man was on.

"Hey Jb." Mark finally collected himself and hopped over the few steps from the porch. "Who’s your friend?" 

Jaebum watched the two for a moment and was surprised to find Mark's curiosity was genuine. Either Mark had gotten better at bullshiting in the last thirty seconds or whoever ran this was cutting Jaebum's circle out of the loop.

"If this is some ploy to muscle Mark and Jinyoung out I make your entire life fucking miserable." Jaebum spoke loud enough that it didn't matter where a camera was, it was heard.

For just a moment, a brief flicker of mischief flashed over Yugyeom's face. Jaebum didn't know who it was directed at. The more he watched the new man Jaebum couldn't help wonder, whose side Yugyeom was on?

"Have a good day mis-" Yugyeom stopped, lashes falling slowly and pink rising up. "Jaebum."

"Have a good day _Yugyeom_." Jaebum waited until the mail truck disappeared around the corner before approaching his house again. 

On the porch Jinyoung tracked the mail truck with his eyes as well. Where Jackson had stopped by every house to deliver mail, Yugyeom puttered down the road without stopping. The neighbors who had come out to collect their mail all stood awkwardly, eyes flitting to one another. In Jaebum’s hand the pendant sat heavily.

*

***** Day 9,215 *****

Jaebum figured he was nearing the end of whatever rope he had been existing on. He had taken his credit card down to the shops to buy equipment to make a home studio with Mark and Jinyoung in tow. However, when he tried to purchase items his card declined. So he took the stuff without paying for it.

Then his house didn’t connect to the internet.

Then the power was spotty.

Slowly his world was narrowing until he would be forced to go back to his shitty job. The people who ran this had the upper hand. They could afford to play the long game until he finally broke down and complied with their demands. Jaebum wondered how long Mark and Jinyoung would be allowed to stay at this rate. Jaebum didn’t do isolation well, never had. If they took away the only two people left that he cared about then Jaebum would take away the only thing he had in his power. His life.

If it even was his life.

During another perfect, sunny afternoon, Jaebum sat on his front porch watching the neighbors watch him. He wondered if it was as weird for them now as it was for him when he first realized what was going on. Jaebum had to dig deep in himself to find out if he actually cared about the answer. As time crawled on he found himself sinking deeper and deeper into apathy. He just wanted to be happy and they had taken everything. He couldn’t have Jackson, couldn’t make music or dance. What was the point?

“Mister Im.” Jaebum ended his staring contest with the man who ‘lived’ across the street from him. Leaning on the wooden railing of his porch was Yugyeom.

“Not even bothering dressing you up huh?” Jaebum nodded. Instead of the beige mailman uniform Yugyeom was in a baggy t-shirt from a band he’d never heard of, tight black pants ripped at the knees and black converse. 

“It’s my day off.” Yugyeom grinned, the shyness from their first meeting gone. “I wanted to come see you though. Can I come up?”

Jaebum debated. He _could_ say no, but with how on edge his neighbors were he figured why not. He had only talked with Jinyoung and Mark for weeks now, what was the harm? “Why did you want to see me?”

“Because you looked terribly lonely.” Yugyeom sat on the porch swing but didn’t move to touch him.

“I spent my whole life here and I feel like a stranger.” Jaebum rocked the swing back and forth a little with his feet. “I don’t want to do this anymore but they won’t let me leave.” Tears burned his eyes and Jaebum brushed them away with the back of his hand. “I tried driving out of town but was stopped because of a ‘chemical spill’. I tried getting a boat but the water has been too dangerous to go out.” Jaebum finally looked at Yugyeom, “I can’t even make music.”

“Well.” Yugyeom tilted his head, eyes soft. “If the world is watching you then you already have an audience right?” Jaebum blinked, a little taken aback. “You don't need any fancy machines, not really. You have your voice.” Yugyeom shifted, rising up a moment to tuck one long leg under his thigh before settling back down. “You don’t need anyone’s permission to sing Jb.”

Jaebum thought of the countless notebooks he’d collected over the years. All the lyrics and compositions he’d made that sat untouched after he graduated and got married. Jinyoung had always tried to keep him interested in music, sometimes Mark even got him to sing at parties, but it felt pointless. Why keep at it when it was a pipe dream?

What if they had stolen his music and sold it off?

“What would you sing if Jackson was here?” Yugyeom pressed again. “Sing for him.”

“ _All the times spent with you. They’re all becoming blurry._ ” Jaebum glanced over to Yugyeom but the man simply smiled. “ _All the memories left in my head. It’s all about yearning._ ” Jaebum found the words came easy, they flowed out from his heart and to his mouth. “ _I’m thinking of you even in this moment. Even if I’m unable to do so I always think about it. About where you’re at. Only if I could know it._ ” Tears threatened to fall but Jaebum brushed them away too. “ _I want to find you even if it takes years._ ”

Jaebum folded himself in half, face pressed into his knees. He hadn’t spoken about Jackson since the man had been taken away, the pain too much to begin to handle. 

“It’s okay to cry.” Yugyeom’s hand was warm on his back where he rubbed small circles. Jaebum didn’t want to cry anymore, he wanted to leave. He wanted Jackson back. “They fired Mark this morning. He won’t be coming to visit today.” The words are whispered. “He was on thin ice before all of this for causing chaos. For planting the seeds of doubt. That, and Christoff hates him. Always has.”

“Why?” Jaebum sat up a little. If they took Mark he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

Maybe he’d actually follow through with the car threat.

“He’s always been a wild card. It’s why they tried to get rid of him before.” Yugyeom crossed one long leg over another. “That, and to bring you and Jinyoung closer.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Yugyeom smiled a little sadly watching a car drive past.

“Because they’re gonna can me anyway.” A corner of Yugyeom’s lips lifted a bit. “And I fucking hate this show. It’s not fair what they’ve done to you.” The car hit reverse and stopped in front of the house.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Jaebum felt sick watching two men walk up his walkway.

“They’ve got Jinyoung cornered in the store.” Yugyeom crossed his arms looking haughty. “He won’t be coming home.” 

Jaebum didn’t think he could slip any farther into apathy but he felt cold. Jaebum watched the two men escort Yugyeom to the car, one of them holding his arm too tight. When the car pulled away from the curb Jaebum disengaged from his body. He had lost everything, everyone. He _lost._

Checkmate.

Getting to his feet Jaebum shuffled into his home. Only, it didn’t feel like a home. It hadn’t felt like one in a long, long time. Jaebum stumbled to the kitchen intending to get a glass of water but when he tried to hold the glass it slipped out of his hand and shattered on the ground.

Jaebum stared at it for a moment. Stared at the broken shards glittering dangerously on the floor and something in him broke. 

Jaebum reached into the cabinet and whipped a glass against the wall. Then another glass, followed by a plate. He threw anything he could get his hands on, a scream bubbling up from inside his chest. When he ran out of glassware to throw, Jaebum started throwing cans of food, each perfectly printed label fueling his rage. The coffee pot shattered in the sink, the tea kettle was thrown against the front door. Each drawer was taken out and thrown onto the ground.

Jaebum went through each room destroying anything he could get his hands on. He threw a chair through the large living room window. The wide paned glass shattering into the lawn that he had given up mowing weeks ago. The fancy lamp that his mom had given them was swug against the wall, bits of colored glass flying to mingle with the dish debris. Jaebum broke what little he could in the bathroom, and tore apart his little home office with the music equipment he never got to use.

Turning to his room Jaebum stormed in, bypassed everything and went to the little box on his dresser. Inside the small velvet box, two gold bands that neither he nor Jinyoung had worn in weeks sat with the pendant that Yugyeom had delivered and the thin chain bracelet Jackson had slipped into his pocket the day he had been taken. Items in hand, Jaebum returned to the kitchen.

The only thing that was left untouched was the orange tabby cat clock that ticked in the silence of his devastation. Jaebum took the clock, setting it on the table with the jewelry and sank into his chair. In the left eye of the tabby clock Jaebum could see a small camera so he propped it up against an overturned pot that had landed on the table.

Slumped in the chair he flipped over the triangle a few times, but not even the Wang symbol was enough to stem the pain. Jaebum let the tears build up and when they finally overflowed he looked into the cat’s camera eye and asked, “Can the show be over? Can this stop? If I die, can I finally be free of this?” 

He couldn't stop. Once he had broken the seal he just looked right at the camera, which was in a fucking _cat clock_ and would feel ridiculous if he wasnt so tired. 

“I tried to play along, but I’m too tired now.” Jaebum choked, pressing a hand to his mouth to cover a sob. “I..I-iI wanted just _one_ thing a-and they took it from me. They took Jackson, and now they've taken everything else from me too.” Plucking up the wedding bands, Jabeum looked at them miserably and continued. “All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is to just have someone I love and who loves m-me. And maybe make music and get a cat but they wouldn't let me be in love. And they assigned me a husband who's allergic to cats and they've taken away music too.” 

Jaebum looked at the wreckage around him again. The piles of shattered glittering glass and milky ceramic mixed with silverware. He gave himself a few moments to wonder if Mark and Jinyoung were somewhere watching this. If so, they were probably pleased at him wrecking the place. Mark would have helped him, if not set the whole damn thing on fire. Jinyoung, his best friend, his first love and confidant would most definitely have helped. Probably Yugyeom too.

It broke his heart a little to think he’d never see them again. That he never got to say goodbye to any of them. Like so many others, they just disappeared like early morning mist. 

Looking back into the camera eye Jaebum swallowed hard, the cold feeling returning to his chest. “If this life isn't mine, why should he keep it? Why should I keep living for them when they give nothing back? When does the show end?” Jaebum sat back in his chair, then reached down to pick up a particularly jagged piece of glass. “I’m sorry everyone.” Jaebum gripped the glass hard enough that it cut his fingers, the fat red drops falling with his tears. “I’m sorry Jackson.”

Jaebum had barely pressed the glass to his wrist when the front door slammed open. Mister Yoo, the dad who lived next door stood frazzled. “You win. Please put the glass down.”

Jaebum watched him for nearly a minute but didn’t move. Mr. Yoo’s eyes were fixed on the glass as if he could will it to melt or turn to dust.

“Thank you.” Jaebum let the bloody shard drop to the table and picked up the pieces of jewelry to tuck them in his pocket. 

If he was truly getting out then he never wanted to come back, not even to pick up mementos. He wondered if they could even _be_ mementos since everything was a lie. Or nearly everything was a lie. Jaebum was decently sure that there were nuggets of truth hidden in all the mud. He would have to ask Jinyoung to go through and pick out those small things because Jaebum didn’t trust anything anymore.

It was weird for Jaebum when he walked outside. There were people milling about in shades of disarray, all of them looking frightened. In the middle of the chaos Jaebum saw a man standing there, looking equal shades of disappointed and angry. Still following Mr. Yoo, Jaebum crossed his yard and went through the mass of bodies that parted at his approach.

“Hello Jaebum, I’m Christoff.” Jaebum eyed Christoff up, the rage that he thought died out sparking back to life. “I am the creator of the show.” 

Before the man could say anymore, the second wave of rage exploded. Jaebum stepped up, arm winding back just a moment then launching forward to connect to Christoff’s face just like Mark had taught him. Jaebum wasn’t a fighter, he had never even _been_ in a fight but at the force of the blow, Christoff staggered back. The adrenaline that flooded his system continued to build, the same need for violence leaving behind a white hum. Jaebum wasn't exactly sure what he was screaming, if there were even words, but he screamed and sobbed while two brawny men held him back from trying to strike out again. 

They said he won, but it didn’t feel like a victory. Somewhere in his gut, the fear of being returned to his broken house and forced to stay started to fester. A house with no glass or knives, a new husband to feed him pills to keep him complacent. Jaebum couldn’t help but fear he’d broken one cage only to be thrown into another.

“ _JAEBUM!_ ” The sound of his name cut through the wave of panic.

Jaebum watched in stunned disbelief as a familiar body hauled ass across the rows of perfectly kept grass. He didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to give in to hope that Jackson was rapidly closing the distance between them. It had to be some kind of dream, they wouldn’t have let Jackson back in. It had been made clear since Jackson had been dragged out that he would never see the man again.

Trailing behind Jackson, Mark and Jinyoung were accompanied by men in suits, the two smiling even as they waved. Jaebum had nearly convinced himself that he had actually died, that Mr. Yoo had come too late. This was a final bit of peace granted by some benevolent god taking pity on him before his world went dark.

At least, until Jackson slammed into him, arms wrapped around his neck and nearly sending them both sprawling to the ground.

“Jackson?” Face buried into Jackson’s neck, Jaebum gripped the back of the soft shirt. “You’re here. _You came back._ ”

Jackson held him just as tight, “If you ever pull that shit again you’re gonna wish you were dead.” Around them Jaebum could hear someone arguing but he couldn’t be bothered to care. “God, Jb. I saw that in the car and nearly heaved. I was so scared we weren’t going to get to you in time.” 

“Do I really get to leave?” Jaebum pulled back, hands cupping Jackson’s jaw. “Do I get to go home with you?”

Jackson nodded, lips pressed against his for a moment. “Bammie and the others finally got enough evidence to take Christoff and the showrunners to court. They’ve been working on this for years.” Jaebum melted into another kiss. “As soon as we got the warrant we came for you. You forced their hand but you were always getting out of here.” In a small whispered voice Jackson added, “If it wouldn't have accidentally killed people, Mark would have thrown a molotov cocktail at the building years ago.”

The image of his feisty best friend hurling bottles of fire made Jaebum laugh. Jaebum wouldn’t put it past Mark to do something like that, especially after Jackson had been taken. Mark and Jinyoung had shed their actor personas, what little was a persona, and allowed Jaebum to get to know the true them. Without the fear of ‘exposing’ the truth, Jaebum got back the two best friends he hadn’t realized he lost over the years.

Jaebum watched as Christoff was still engaged in a heated debate with a white haired man that Jaebum swore he knew. “Jackson?” at the quiet hum he asked, “Was this real for you? All of this? Did...do you really love me? Not Im Jaebum, but _me_?” 

“Of course.” Jackson nosed along his jaw. “I’ve been in love with you for years. Since I sat on the porch with you when your mom got sick.” The knot that sat in his chest started to untangle. “It’s always been real for me.”

“Is Jinyoung real? He feels real.” Jaebum felt guilty for asking but he needed to know. He needed to be sure. “And Mark?”

“Yes, they’re real.” Joining the little circle of people arguing, Jaebum spied a smug looking Yugyeom. As if reading his mind Jackson added, “Yugyeom is real too, he came just to help you.”

Jaebum opened his mouth ready to ask about someone else and realized that's it. That's everyone he’d considered could be real, even for a moment. Not even his _parents_. Jaebum didn't even know if that was sad or normal or right but it hurt all the same. The town he lived in, the people he knew, all a lie. Twenty-five years of lies, even from the people he should have been able to trust. People he _did_ trust. But he couldn’t bring himself to be angry, at least not at that moment. Mark and Jinyoung were a wall between him and Christoff, Yugyeom stood just off to the side ready to fight anyone who approached, and Jackson, the man Jaebum had loved for so long, had come back to him.

As Jaebum began to cry again Jackson held him, feather light kisses brushing his face. “It's okay, we have somewhere safe to go.” Jaebum would follow them, follow Jackson wherever in the world he asked. “We have somewhere you can rest.” Jackson thumbed away tears. “You’ll be able to see everyone who can see you. No cameras, no lies. You’ll be with people who love you back.”

Jaebum hadn’t gotten a chance to kiss Jackson before the man had been spirited away. He wiped away the tears and snot from his face with the collar of his shirt, he didn’t much care how gross it was. When he kissed Jackson again it was with all the emotion he’d had pent up for nearly five years.

Lips parting easily, Jaebum licked into his mouth. Jackson tasted like sunshine and moonlight and every good dream Jaebum had ever had. Jackson felt like the home that Jaebum hadn’t been able to find in so long.

“Jaebum?” Their bubbled was popped by a questioning voice. The white haired man approached them, one hand tangled with Jinyoung’s. For the first time in so long, Jaebum’s husband - ex?husband??- looked happy. “Do you remember me?”

Jaebum searched his memory. He knew he knew this man, he could feel it in his bones. The soft face, the eye mole. As Jinyoung hooked his chin on one sharp shoulder and grinned it suddenly came to Jaebum who he was looking at.

“Bambam?” Jaebum laughed in disbelief. “You got so _tall_.” Jaebum pulled him into a hug even as Bambam sounded like he muffled a small noise. “Did you really spend all this time fighting?” Bambam nodded into his shoulder. “Thank you...I..I don’t… _thank you_.”

“Sorry it took so long.” Bambam held him tight and Jaebum nearly started crying again. “Let’s get you home and we’ll talk."

“Jaebum.”

“Back off, Christoff. You have been served your restraining order.” Bambam moved to stand between Jaebum and the man who had taken his life.

“I just want to talk to him.” Christoff stood straight backed and confident despite the blood that dripped down his face.

Unable to stop himself, Jaebum asked. “Who are you? Why? Why all of this?”

“I am the creator of the show that gives hope, and joy and inspiration to millions.” Christoff smiled. Jaebum had the overwhelming urge to punch him. Again.

“And who am I?” 

“You’re the star.”

“Was nothing real?”

“You.” Christoff stepped forward only to be pulled back by a man in a suit. “You were real. It’s what made you so good to watch.” Jaebum nodded a few times, eyes narrowed. When he turned away Christoff spoke again. “Listen to me Jaebum, there is no more truth out there than there is in the world I created for you.” 

Jaebum looked into the eyes of each of the people he knew to be real. Jinyoung. Jackson. Mark. Yugyeom. They all had been part of the lie too, just like Christoff. Pieces of this fucked up puzzle that Jaebum would have to come to terms with eventually. The difference of course, was that Christoff wanted to keep him in this cage, the others had been sawing off the bars.

“The same lies, the same deceit. But in my world you have nothing to fear.” Christoff smiled a little softer. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

Gritting his teeth Jaebum snapped, “You never had a camera in my head.”

“You’re afraid.” Christoff pushed. “It’s why you can’t leave.” Jaebum wanted to argue but he _was_ afraid. Terrified, if he was being honest. Twenty-five years of routine had made him comfortable. If he left nothing would ever be the same. “It’s okay, I understand. I have been watching you your whole life.”

“Shut up.” Jaebum wanted to hide. Jinyoung had told him that millions, _billions_ , of people watched him but this felt invasive. Christoff spoke with a fatherly affection that threatened to make Jaebum heave.

“I was watching when you were born. When you took your first step. I watched you on your first day of school.” Christoff stepped forward again, huffing a small laugh. “The episode you lost your first tooth. You can’t leave Jaebum, you belong here.” Christoff took another step, hand held out. “With me.”

Jaebum looked at others again. They wouldn’t make the choice for him no matter what _they_ wanted. Leave or stay. It was the first real choice of his whole life.

“Talk to me.” Jaebum kept his eyes locked with Jackson’s. Stay or leave. Comfortable lies, or the terrifying unknown. It wasn’t really a choice at all. “Say something goddamn it, you’re on television. You’re live to the whole world.”

Jaebum turned to look Christoff dead in the eye, then turned to the camera pointed at him over the man’s shoulder. “If I don’t see ya; good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.” Jaebum bowed low at the waist. When he straighted he turned back to Christoff, “Fuck you.”

Jaebum didn’t know what to expect when they stepped out the door labeled **EXIT**. The world outside didn’t look any different, except for the sky. The long horizon stretched out far and wide, filled with buildings that stood so tall he thought they would pierce into the blue like needles into a balloon. Around them people milled about anxiously, some of them holding cameras with rapidly blinking lights. Others had little boxes and were talking into them like the _Talkboy_ Jaebum had back in highschool.

“Jaebum, hey! Over here!” Off to the right a woman waved, catching his attention, black box aimed at his face. “Welcome to the world! How do you feel?”

“You don’t have to answer.” Jackson murmured into his ear.

“I’m afraid, terrified actually.” Jaebum looked around, then up into the endless blue of the sky. “I don’t know what’s next.” Jaebum smiled at the woman, heart beating wildly. “Isn’t that exciting?”

***

Despite his exhaustion, Jaebum was glued to the window as Yugyeom drove them through the city. There were so many buildings, so many _people_ that it boggled his mind. The splashes of neon colors scattered between dark brick and sleek metal had the wheels in his brain churning to make new songs.

Jaebum wondered if they would be staying in the city. For as beautiful as the lights were and fascinating the layouts, it disturbed him a bit to see his face plastered everywhere. Signs in Windows, giant screens that stretched up the length of buildings. It made his stomach knot up and the familiar slimy cold of panic seize his heart.

The panic lessened as they drove longer and longer on the endless stretch of pavement Jackson had called the highway. The dense clusters of buildings had begun to taper off, more and more green appeared. Bambam had explained they would still be close to the city but his house was tucked away on what used to be a farm. It would allow Jaebum space to roam outside, garden, whatever he wanted without having to worry about people mobbing him. There would likely still be those that trespassed or used long range lenses but they would be taken care of when it happened.

With less to look at, Jaebum turned his attention to Bambam. He hadn't seen the man in almost ten years. Bambam had transferred to a school back in Thailand just as they had hit sophomore year of high school. Which turned out to be less of a lie than Jaebum had thought. Bambam had left the show and gone into an accelerated course and then straight into law school, specifically to end the show. A small part of Jaebum's mind was worried about what Bambam wanted in return for years of his life spent helping him. The rest of him was filled with warmth as Bambam tucked himself into Jinyoung's side, exchanging kisses between little smiles.

In his own arms, Jackson watched him take everything in. It had taken so long, but they had finally gotten what they wanted: happiness. Including Mark, who sat in the passenger seat grinning like a wolf while Yugyeom blushed bright pink under his attention.

As promised, Bambam's house was tucked far back from the road. The long driveway took them through an archway of trees and right up to a two story house. On the wooden porch stood another face Jaebum hadn't seen in years. Youngjae laughed when Jaebum all but tackled him to the ground.

That night, Jaebum wrapped around Jackson in their bed. Even with exhaustion making his body hurt, Jaebum was afraid if he went to sleep we would wake up back in the box. If all of this was a dream, Jaebum didn't want to ever wake up.

*

Jaebum woke to the sound of soft snoring and a single ray of sunlight that had fallen directly onto his face. Tucked against him, Jackson looked peaceful in his sleep. Unlike every other time Jaebum had seen him, Jackson was bare faced. Light stubble dotted his chin and the corners of his mouth. A few stray hairs out of place in his eyebrows, a patch of healing skin from where he had picked at his lip. No makeup or polish or gel.

He was perfect.

In an attempt to keep his hands to himself, Jaebum carefully detangled from his...lover? Boyfriend? Jaebum wasn't sure how to classify them but he suspected that soulmate would be too cheesy so he tucked it away for later.

When he returned from the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy towel - admittedly gone much longer than he intended - Jackson was sitting in the middle of the bed. The look of sleepy confusion was cute enough to make his heart melt.

"Mornin." Jackson smiled up a moment before he yawned. "Did you go exploring?"

"I got distracted in the bathroom." Jaebum blushed a little. "I've never seen some of the stuff in there."

"Don't worry, we'll get you up to speed." Jackson pulled him down for a kiss. "Sit tight for a few. I'll be right back."

Jaebum heard the shower run and couldn't help but imagine Jackson in it. How he'd look under the spray with steam curled around. Not bothering to dress, Jaebum laid on the bed - _their bed_ \- and let his imagination go wild. Jaebum thought about bending Jackson over the railing that would definitely not hold. Thought about pressing him against the wall, the counter, anything really. 

Jaebum hadn’t ever really had shower sex. He supposed the water made things complicated and if the shower was running it was dangerous. But he still wanted to try it with Jackson. Jinyoung never really liked shower sex, but their house had a small shower.

And probably the cameras.

Firmly shaking his head Jaebum turned his attention back to his fantasy. Thought about -

"You asked me once to come upstairs and let you eat me out until I cried." If Jaebum wasn't already hard, seeing Jackson naked, towel around his ankles would have made him faint for the sudden blood pressure drop.

He'd give anything in the world to have the thick thighs wrapped around his waist.

"Maybe another day." Jackson grinned and Jaebum's mouth went dry. "Lay there for me. I want to take care of you."

Jaebum nearly died as Jackson worked himself down on his dick, the younger clearly had clearly done the prep work while in the shower. Twice he had to grip Jackson's thighs hard enough that they would bruise to keep his hips from kicking up into the slick heat. Poised above him, Jackson looked rapturous. His head hung forward, brow slightly creased and bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"F..huhck." Jaebum _ached_. He wanted to thrust up into the heat that enveloped him but he'd waited five years for this, he could wait until Jackson was ready.

Skirting his fingers up Jackson's thighs, Jaebum waited. Part of him wanted to pull Jackson down to kiss him but the hand planted on his chest kept him in place. If Jackson wanted to control the situation then Jaebum was willing to let him.

This time. After that, Jaebum had years of fantasies he wanted to play out. _Especially_ having Jackson sobbing his name while he ate him raw.

"I'm okay now." Jackson smiled up. "Just lay there for me."

Jaebum couldn't move if he wanted. Jackson had risen up, just a little then dropped back down and Jaebum saw god. 

" _Jackson_." The name punched itself from Jaebum's chest. It felt _so good_ to be able to say it, to not have to pretend he was thinking about Jinyoung.

Hands on Jackson's hips, Jaebum didn't do more than steady him. Between long, languid rolls of hips and bounces that made his toes curl Jaebum didn't have brains to do much more.

"I used to ride toys thinking about you." Jackson braced himself on one elbow to breathe hotly into his ear. "I would spend hours moaning for you."

" _Jesus christ._ " 

"Fuck me ,JB." Jackson tucked his face into Jaebum's neck. "Please, god please."

Putting Jackson on his back, Jaebum took a minute to appreciate his lover under him. The pink flush that went from the tops of his cheeks down to Jackson's chest. He was better than any dream Jaebum could conjure.

"I got you baby." Jaebum sucked a dark nipple into his mouth, tongue and teeth pulling until Jackson whimpered. "Does my baby like that?" Jaebum repeated on the second nipple, fingers still twisting the one he left.

"I'm, _fuck_ , I'm not going to be able to wear a shirt." Jackson groaned, fingers knotted in Jaebum's hair.

"No complaints from me." Jaebum moved to suck a dark mark on Jackson's neck. Then a second one, and a third. 

"I love you." Jaebum paused, heart soaring. "I love you, so much." Jackson kissed him softly.

"I love you too." Jaebum took a moment to just kiss him. The frantic need would return, Jaebum intended to spend all day learning Jackson's body. For just a moment though, he wanted the simple intimacy of touch.

Jackson shifted, one leg raising higher until Jaebum adjusted his arm to allow it to hook over his shoulder and _oh_. The tightness of the new angle made his hips kick even as he moaned lowey. Jaebum hooked Jackson’s other leg over his elbow to grind down, drinking in how Jackson jerked in his grasp.

“ _F-CK!_ ” Jaebum kept a slow grind, not letting Jackson move at all while his lover huffed and swore with each move. “Sssh-shit. Th..there.” Jackson’s nails sunk into Jaebum’s shoulder, voice going thready and desperate. “Right there. _Oh god...o-ahh-ga-d...fuck._ ”

“Like that?” Jaebum was drunk on the screams. Jinyoung had never been like that in bed, most of the time they had to flip a coin on who would top. But Jackson, his beautiful Jackson opened up like a flower.

Jaebum watched Jackson fall to pieces. He took in how Jackson’s chest arched up, mouth opened and half lidded eyes covered in haze. The hand that wasn’t making deep scratches in Jaebum’s shoulder, jerked the nearly purple head of his dick. Jaebum wondered if the rest of the house could hear Jackson’s moans, it would be impossible not to. His baby probably made the foundations of the house quake with each broken noise, or maybe that was Jaebum’s bones.

"I-i-i'm…" Jackson swallowed hard. "I'm gonna…"

"Jackson." Jaebum shifted up to press their foreheads together. "Cum for me baby."

Jackson gasped, body coiled tight until a broken moan dragged itself from his chest. The look of pure ecstasy and the way Jackson tightened around him pushed Jaebum over the edge. Hips pressed tightly to Jackson's ass, Jaebum came moaning his name.

**Curtain Call**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i rip the entire end speech form the movie? why yes i did, but in my defense it's a good speech- s
> 
> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
> https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
> S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
> K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


	4. Epilogue: Like Real People Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Honey, just put your lips on my lips, and we can kiss like real people do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to mine and rae’s meta hours in the style of "where are they now". i debated on making this a chapter but in my brand of 'well what if -', rae and i had gone on some pretty spectacular tangents of what would have happened after the cameras stopped rolling.
> 
> This is unbeta’d and a little (lot) all over the place but if i keep messing with it i'll break it, so i hope y’all enjoy it anyway. Thanks for reading <3 - S

**Where are they now? Im Jaebum, music producer and international sweetheart. Rarely seen and never interviewed. What has the most famous man in the world been up to?**

The unpacking of Jaebum’s trauma takes literal years, which was almost as long as it took to get the case through the court system. In the beginning of the trials Jaebum had decided that he didn’t wish to pursue lawsuits against the actors, even the ones who had been cast to be rude to him. He had spent hours and hours and hours reading over contracts that Bambam had collected to understand why and how people had treated him the way they did. When the judge had asked why, Jaebum simply shrugged and told them that he had made his peace with it, the actors were simply doing a job. Granted, Jaebum never wanted to see any of them again but he had no intentions of ruining their lives

Jaebum found out during the trial after he had walked off set, the network who owned the show had filed a request to re-start the show from the first episode for the fans that would need help ‘coping’ with the loss of the show. Everyone, even Jaebum knew it was so they could milk another twenty-five years out of it. Instead of trying to stop it, Bambam negotiated with the network so that Jaebum would receive 80% of the profit as royalties and reparations. The second part of the negotiations was that the network was required to take out parts that were unreasonable violations of privacy, to be determined by Jaebum and the members of his lawyer team, which was headed by Bambam.

The network had intially protested being forced to take out things like sex scenes and bathroom scenes and humiliating shit. However, the courts overruled the network’s objection partly because when they were in court Jaebum had a panic attack when they showed a sex scene.

Jaebum finally understood why Jinyoung always wanted to have sex with the lights off and under the covers. He understood why Jinyoung was always covering his mouth to try and shut him up. He saw a sex scene where Jinyoung "accidentally" knocks over a whole table and all the cameras with it. Another scene where Jinyoung "accidentally" threw a sheet over the camera and the best shot they could get was of Jinyoung’s back. At the time Jaebum had been annoyed that Jinyoung had always insisted on quiet sex but his husband had always been trying to protect him.

*

In the five years since he walked off set, Jaebum almost never leaves their home and for a long time, their place is literally crawling with paparazzi. The first few months they had to put black out curtains on the windows and Bambam hired extra security to keep the brave few from climbing the privacy fence. It had nearly driven Jaebum mad being locked inside the house all the time. It felt like he had been shoved back into the little sunless box he had spent his whole life in. When he finally couldn’t handle it anymore, he had gone out in baggy clothes and sat on the back porch trying not to cry while the long range cameras no doubt clicked away. He hated the way the unblinking eyes of the world never stopped staring at him.

Surprising no one, Mark always goes out to greet the few that get brave enough to hop their fence and get rid of them by breaking cameras. Even if they couldn’t stop the photographers from using telescopic lenses, they could dissuade trespassers and Mark had _years_ of pent up rage to work out. Sometimes, even if it makes Jaebum feel embarrassed later, they still have to disassemble the whole room or house to help Jaebum feel sure there are no cameras. But instead of trying to stop him, everyone always comes and helps and makes a party or a game of it. When the paranoia inevitably fades and they have to piece their home back together, the six joke about needing to dust anyway or redecorate and it makes Jaebum love them all a little more.

An unintended side effect was that Jaebum got to see both of his best friends get happy endings. Jaebum got to watch as Jinyoung held Youngjae for the first time in years, both of them crying between kisses. However, the more entertaining relationship he watched unfold was Mark and Yugyeom. Jaebum watched with mixed feelings of second hand embarrassment and pure amusement as the two circled each other for months. They were only ones who made more noise than he and Jackson at night even as the house laughed at them.

Yugyeom met his favorite boy from the show, and was high key starstruck. On the opposite side, Mark was high key impressed with what Yugyeom had done. Every time Mark tried to talk to Yugyeom for almost two weeks, the maknae literally couldn’t even reply. Yugyeom would just flush bright pink and giggly, making everyone feel slightly awkward around them.

Jaebum wondered frequently how people enjoyed watching this. How anyone enjoyed watching _him_ try to talk to Jinyoung and Mark and then Jackson for years. Each time Mark and Yugyeom had ended up in a blushing train wreck it made his teeth hurt even as he hyped his best friend to keep at it. It had taken nearly two months but they had eventually figured it out with the help of YouTube and Jaebum’s morbid curiosity about the show.

It had started as innocently as it could have. Jaebum had gotten curious one day and watched a rerun episode of the show. At the time he was still trying to figure out what had made him interesting enough to watch that billions of people spent years watching him.

The episode that had come on was from when he was in high school. Tall and lanky under a mullet and shoulders than hadn’t quite grown into yet. Jaebum watched himself being into Mark, who despite being thirty pounds with an unfortunate buzzcut was still handsome. He saw Jinyoung as a teenager from angles that he couldn't see before. After years and years of being together, Jaebum recognizes all of Jinyoung's tells, especially the ones he’s trying not to show. So when teenage Jaebum turned a lovesick gaze at Mark who was bad at pretending not to notice, Jinyoung had a face that's pained. Jaebum knew, he _knew_ they were trying to sell it as jealousy. He suspected that they had been trying to shoehorn them together even then. But despite their best efforts to manipulate the shot, Jaebm can see that Jinyoung wanted to encourage him and that the two were struggling with it even back then.

At the midway part of an episode, Bambam walked on camera and Jaebum can’t help but feel warm as Jinyoung lights up. In hindsight, it makes a lot of sense and Jaebum could kick himself in the ass for all the things he missed. Including the absolute shitfest that was their high school prom.

Without realizing, Jaebum watched several episodes in a playlist until a thumbnail caught his attention: **‘The Jaebum Show - Rare Pairs edition!’**

Jaebum had gotten a kick out of watching compilations of the show that people who had put together stuff about 2youngBam and MarkBum, and then later JackBum. Videos that had been incredibly on point in how they had felt but were considered unpopular ships due to the direction the show went. Jaebum, for as weirded out as he got hoped they all enjoyed their validation because any fuck you he could get to Christoff and his people was a win in Jaebum’s book.

When he couldn't bring himself to watch episodes or ship videos, Jaebum watched all the interviews with the cast providing it was Jinyoung or Mark or Jackson, which were rare. His three closest friends smiled at the camera, were incredibly cordial and yet Jaebum could see that they held themselves back.

The others had been worried about him watching the show when they had found him thirty videos deep. Jinyoung in particular had been uncomfortable with what Jaebum could stumble on, but Yugyeom who had grown up in the Real World and was familiar enough with the episodes from his activist work had come to him. Jaebum had thought the maknae was going to try to dissuade him from watching the videos like the others. Instead, Yugyeom snagged the controller with a grin. The channel that Yugyeom pulled up is one that the maknae line had used to keep up with the on goings of the show. Jaebum had been grateful because they cut out a lot of the weird personal stuff and put together compilations of the others.

The others found Jaebum and Yugyeom hours later howling in laughter watching a whole video of Jinyoung forgetting his lines when Bambam is smiling at him. That video was followed by Jinyoung desperately trying to get Jaebm to try out for a sports team so _he_ can do a sports team because Youngjae was in sports. The playlist of videos was labeled, **‘TJS - Jinyong’s Crisis Compilation.’** Jinyoung’s embarrassment was a palpable thing in the room and both of his partners had gotten all kinds of mileage out of it. 

Payback had happened the next day when Yugyeom had shown him a compilation of Mark getting him into blind spots when he was having a crisis. A few minutes into the video Yugyeom had to step out, and the auto-play inadvertently lead Jaebum directly into a previously watched video which was **‘5 minutes of Mark smiling’** and then **‘three minutes straight of Mark's laughter’** then, **‘TJS - Mark flipping moments’** and finally, **‘TJS - Mark is super gay and can't hide it.’**

Yugyeom had barely gotten back long enough to sit down and try to fight the remote out Jaebum’s hands while he laughed when Mark flipped over the couch grinning like a gremlin. To the maknae’s credit, Yugyeom had opted to play gay chicken instead of fleeing. That naturally led to Mark simultaneously cooing at Yugyeom over his big crush coming to fruition and ribbing him endlessly for falling for a character on a screen. Within hours Bambam and Youngjae had joined, adding to it all the time because seeing Yugyeom look about eight inches tall was hilarious after all the big shit he talked.

Yugyeom had finally called Mark's bluff by the end of the week. After days of jokes and Mark circling like a shark, Yugyeom sauntered over to Mark with bright pink cheeks and kissed him. Yugyeom had thought he'd win, but all that happened was Mark pinned him against a wall until he melted while Jinyoung yelled “NOT IN THE KITCHEN YOU HEATHENS.” Jinyoung eventually had to physically separate them when Mark, being the asshole he is, took it an extra step. Yugyeom peeled away from the wall, a little dazed but Mark just grinned before leading off to a bedroom. 

Carefully, Jackson had asked what he thought about his first love hooking up with their maknae because the whole world (literally) knew Jaebum had still harbored feelings for Mark. Jaebum had taken some time to think about it and found that he was ecstatic. As he looked back, Jaebum made peace with the fact that he and Mark wouldn't have worked even if he had been high key in love with him. It was a truth made easier to accept because he knew Mark and Yugyeom will be able to take care of each other.

*

One of the hardest things Jaebum had to adjust to was commercials for the few days they had cable TV. It frustrated Jaebum to no end that while he was trying to watch anything, there would be pauses for someone trying to sell him something. Most of the commercials had been pretty standard stuff. Cleaners, colleges, other TV shows. Jaebum had foolishly thought that maybe he could watch without being triggered until a commercial for Kaiser’s Chicken had come one. He had frozen on the couch, heart trying to punch its way out of his body.

On the screen, the woman he had known as Hannah smiled the same annoying ass smile while giving the bullshit spiel that she had always given him. 

While Jaebum had a panic attack, his body curled up into Jackson’s chest as his brain tried to convince him there were cameras rolling. Yugyeom had immediately turned the tv off, promising that he was safe. The next day, Bambam had bought streaming services guaranteeing that Jaebum wouldn’t be blindsided again.

Jaebum had stormed into the kitchen that night, stomach churning at the sight of the chicken sitting in the fridge even as he threw it into the trash can. While Jaebum had dug through the fridge, the pantry, the cabinets and realized that nothing had labels and he couldn’t stop himself from crying. All of their meat was wrapped from the butcher. All of their vegetables came from the famer’s market. All the breads and cookies were made by Yugyeom and Jackson. The few tin cans that they _did_ have were plain, the contents written on the top with sharpie.

In preparation of Jaebum coming home, Jackson and the maknaes had gone out and found local places to replace the need for commercial food. Anything that they couldn’t avoid getting had the name removed or covered by sharpie and thick silver tape.

*

Of the things that Jaebum _didn’t_ hate being the driving force of, was push through of the gay rights agenda completely on accident. If he and Jinyoung had to be icons of any kind, being the face the queer community gave him a sense of pride. Sometimes, when he felt raw, Jaebum would watch interviews from around the world of people who get teary and thank Jaebum and Jinyoung for helping them get the courage to come out of the closet. Because if Im Fucking Jaebum and Park Fucking Jinyoung can be out and gay and happy so could they.

It also explained why Christoff would not let them get divorced even though they were miserable. The network had to fight tooth and nail to make it legal in the first place, they couldn’t let their two stars split.

The memes were funny until they all realized how much of them were context based and Jaebum had none of that context. Or worse, in Jaebum’s opinion, there are events that _he_ was the context.

Jaebum had underestimated how much modern history he had missed until he had gone on History Channel binge. Big things he knew, like the moon landing and stuff over arching events but not current events. Jaebum had never been allowed to vote because JYP had decided it was better not to involve politics within the show. So Jaebum knew nothing about presidential races, and when it comes down to it neither does Jinyoung and Mark. Jackson had only minimal knowledge and that had been mostly due to maknae line making him hit the books while they worked to finalize the lawsuit.

Jaebum didn’t know about things like school shootings, or the dark web, or crime rates at all because he had lived in a perfect bubble where none of that happens and there's no crime ever. So by the time they had taught Jaebum everything he never wanted to leave the safety of their home. He's just so done with people, except for his people, that he doesn't want anything to do with the world.

***

**Keeping up with The Ims. - Present**

Nearly six years later their little bubble popped and the world let itself back into their lives.

After living in the house that Bambam had gotten for them, the seven decided it was time to move. As each year progressed, the reporters got more and more desperate for content until Jaebum couldn’t even go into his backyard without having to call the police. Jaebum had more restraining orders than anyone in nearly the whole world. A fact that he _hated._

Using the ridiculous amount of money that pours into Jaebum’s account every quarter, they get a house twice the size of one they left that's fenced and gated except for the little beach that connects to their property. There are alarms and everything, but Jaebum can’t stand to stay inside for the rest of his life. By spending the rest of his life in four walls, even if it's to avoid being seen, it feels too much like letting Christoff win.

Jaebum pretty much never leaves the property which is fine by him because the only parts of the world worth knowing live with him. Under a pseudonym, Jaebum makes music and he gets cats. When he does leave to go to the market he wears the garbage comfy clothes he likes, even if Jackson calls his hodgepodge jeans an abomination. On hot sunny days, he and Jackson go to their private beach to play in the water and kiss in the hot sand. It's peaceful enough for months that it lulls them all into a false sense of security. Jaebum thinks that finally, _finally_ he’s going to be able to be left alone. It’s all he’s ever wanted since he realized that no one would ever be able to force him back.

Their bubble popped on a hot summer day. Jaebum and Jackson were on the sand making little sandcastles while the maknae line did their best to drown their partners. Even being far removed from the city, the paparazzi manage to get in. From the treeline, they take pictures of Jaebum and Jackson happily kissing, and of Jinyoung having two boyfriends splashing him and of Yugyeom carrying a sunburnt Mark through the water in exchange for kisses.

The pictures start to surface the same night and the six of them _freak_ out, because someone is in their space they've made safe for Jaebum. For all of them really. None of them have been safe from the reporters but Jaebum hates being photographed the most. When they tell Jaebum, he finds that he’s more annoyed than anything else. The blind panic that used to overtake him dissolved under the heat of anger. Without any pity, Jaebum gives Bambam permission to send out threats of legal action to everyone who has pictures tied to them. 

Even with years of therapy to help him cope, it's weird for Jaebum to realize that he’s less freaked out than he expected himself to be. It feels weird for him to be at peace with the fact that the world still feels entitled about knowing what he’s doing, because for twenty-five years he was at their disposal from all angles. It’s not something he particularly enjoys but _not_ stressing over it finally made the ulcer go away.

At the kitchen table the seven of them stare at the newest faxed set of Cease and Desist orders stapled to restraining orders.

“So.” very tentatively Yugyeom looks around the table. “This clearly isn’t working.”

“Thank you for that very insightful insight.” Bambam rubbed at his temples. When the room stayed quiet, one tired eye opened. “I”m sorry Gyeom.”

“I’m just going to say it.” Yugyeom hid behind his bangs, arms crossed over his chest. “They aren’t going away. The best way for us to handle this is to put stuff out ourselves.”

Jaebum bit his tongue so hard it nearly bled. He didn’t _want_ to give anyone anything. He had given the world more than enough while being held hostage. Around the table he can see the others doing the same. All of them were waiting to see what ace Yugyeom had stashed up his sleeve.

“I’m not saying an interview or whatever.” Yugyeom slid a phone to the middle of the table. On the screen an app filled with pictures sat innocently enough. “But maybe Instagram? We keep the DMs closed and change the password often.” Yugyeom turned to look at Jaebum. “You don’t owe anyone shit.”

“But?”

“This way people get the pictures they want of us but it will be _our terms_. The only thing that will be put out is what _we_ want them to see.” Yugyeom shuffled in his seat a little, moving closer to Mark.

Jaebum thinks about it for a while, eyes never leaving the phone that he doesn’t know how to work. There were billions and billions of pictures of him floating around the world, nevermind the internet. None of them he had ever really signed off on - _especially_ his school pictures.

“Hyuna had suggested something like this.” Jaebum touched the screen of the phone to scroll down. His therapist had actually been pushing for him to take control of his life for a while but he had been too scared of putting himself out. A small, irrational part of his brain wondered if they would even still like him and then Jaebum had to ask himself why he suddenly cared about that.

None of it was answers he particularly liked.

“It doesn’t have to be us all the time.” Jackson moved to sit on his lap. “You have all the pictures you’ve been taking.” Jaebum wanted to kiss him. The pressure of making a glorified billboard page lifting off his chest. “We can come up with a watermark or something right? That way everyone knows what pictures we have put out.”

Holding Jackson to him, Jaebum listened as the six worked out the safest way for them to have a profile. That included a lengthy call to Instagram’s legal and coding team that Bambam and Youngjae reminded everyone that they were the two most terrifying forces in the world.

“Really? In front of my antipasto?” Jaebum elbowed Jinyoung as his best friend made cow eyes at his boyfriends browbeating the Instagram team.

“I swear to god Jb.” Mark coughed up water through his nose laughing. “You’re fucking up the memes on purpous now.”

“I said what I said.” Jaebum grinned unapologetically. “And, it’s technically a salad.”

*

The next morning they set up an Instagram and the very first selfie _BLOWS_ up. They’re verified in a week and to his surprise, Jaebum actually does like it. They leave the DMs closed, but let people comment and Jinyoung and Bam go through the comments once a day each to weed out the shitty people.

There are pictures of them, of course, but also of the "cat half" and "dog half" of the house. There are pictures of Jinyoung making bread, and maknae line in a trashed kitchen covered in flour baking cookies. The ones that get the most attention are the one with the pairs. JackBum are the most popular, followed by 2YoungBam, and then MarkGyeom. They don't post a lot of them but the outpouring of support makes Jaebum hate people just a little less

At least, until six months later someone literally makes a fanclub. And then an _international_ fan club.

The international and South Korean leaders of the club make the trek all the way to Bambam's office so they don't disturb Jaebum's home. The two ask politely if they could have a meeting with Jaebum and they lay it all out for Bambam that they want to do a fanmeeting. The fanclubs will run security in addition to whatever security the seven bring, everything will be paid for. She explains that people just want a chance to see all of them, Jaebum the most -naturally, and they want to thank them and they want to do things for them. 

They tell Bambam that they'd also like to set up a P.O. box where they live and then send things along from there to the law firm to be checked for bugs, threats and tracers before delivered to Jaebum. 

The level of thought and detail that Bambam lays out to them at the kitchen table that night is enough to give Jaebum pause instead of immediately saying no. Being internationally famous is still surreal and freaks Jaebum out a lot if he thinks too long about it but he’d be lying if he didn’t say he wasn’t curious. For _years_ he’s wondered what exactly people found so special about him. He's watched most of the show, there is nothing particularly exciting about it. Hell, _he_ didn't like working in the insurance office and he had to live it so the idea people watched it for fun is wild. 

Quietly, Jaebum asks, “What do you all think, will it be safe?” Around the table the six all look pensive.

“We wouldn’t be able to stop people from taking pictures.” Yugyeom leans his chin on hand. “All phones have cameras.”

“The double line of security would keep anyone from getting close though.” Mark chimes in, looking wary. “But it's up to you Jb. No one here is going to make you do anything.”

“Even if it would be good for me?”

“Yes.” To Jaebum’s surprise the answer comes from Jackson. 

Jaebum votes a hard no. He doesn't think it'll be safe and he's offered plenty to people who never deserved anything from him. Which spiralled into not their first, but their most intense household argument.

Bambam sits back in his chair. “I think the fanclub presidents are legit, I had them checked out and the worst thing either of them have on their record is a shoplifting charge from their preteens and they felt sincere to me.”

Picking up off of Bambam, Yugyeom says quietly, “It’ll be a good way to promote your music.” Before Jaebum can retort, Yugyeom continues. “And as a person who grew up outside of the show, I know how deeply you can feel connected to someone you've never met. It's fucked up but there were other people like me, who wanted to help and wanted you to be safe and happy and out of the show.” 

Youngjae and Jinyoung agree with Jaebum that it's a bad idea. Both of them were of the mind that no one deserves to ask for more after everything. Mark refuses to take a side because he thinks it should be Jaebum's choice, all his choice, and keeping him locked here and deciding what he can and can't do isn't better. 

It leaves Jackson as a swing vote to say whether or not it's a good idea and they all know it's Jackson's feelings that matter most here. Still, Jaebum values their input when making decisions even if he doesn’t like it.

Sitting across from him, it's clear that Jackson is conflicted. 

“I…” Jackson runs a hand through his soft brown hair and Jaebum can feel a fight between them coming like two trains on the same track. “ _I_ think it's a good idea.” 

“But?”

“But, what I think and what Jaebum wants don't always coincide.” Jackson gnaws on his bottom lip. “I don't particularly want to upset you, but if Bam is green lighting someone then Bam has ripped through every part of their lives with a fine tooth comb. Twice.”

“Seriously?” Jaebum bristled. It felt like he was being backed into a corner by the one person he expected to have his back.

Carefully, Jackson says, “It might be good to meet people in a controlled setting with security and things in place. It won’t be like when the one guy saw us at the Market and lost his mind. Everyone there would firmly know the rules and no one would be able to get through their wall of security right Bam?” Jackson knows the glare he's getting isn't boding well for him. “Listen. You asked for my opinion and treating you with kid gloves would be an insult. And if it means sleeping on the couch so be it.”

Bam sits down finally after having gotten up to pace a lot. The tension in the room is enough that it sets Jaebum’s teeth on edge, and it seems like everyone is unhappy with everyone else. Jinyoung is glaring at Bambam and Mark won't look at Yugyeom and Youngjae has his arms crossed. 

“Before you completely shut us down.” Bambam points back to the outline. “There would be security hired by them and by the fanclubs, all six of us will be there with you so you won’t be alone. This is literally the safest possible option.”

Always in tandem, Yugyeom picks back up. “Plus it gives not only you but all of us a reason to get out. It cannot possibly be good for us to be stuck here.”

Finally, Jackson adds, “If you don't want to do it, we'll support you.” Jackson’s big eyes nearly killed all of Jaebum’s reserve. “It's not a bad idea though. We're not going to tell you what to do. We’re not going to cage you, or force you out, but we’re not going to hold back for you either because that's not better.”

*

Jaebum doesn't talk to anyone for three days. Jaebum did in fact banish Jackson to the couch and kept himself hidden away deep in Cat territory so that Yugyeom can't follow [not that he would, but still there is the principal] and he thinks about the fan meeting.

He's big enough to admit that he's used to them spoiling him and caving to whatever he says. He knows it's not fair for them either, everyone is always on high alert for him that while he thinks about security and shit its not on the level they do. All of them had given up their lives to stay and piece him together even though it would have been easier for them to walk away after he got out. Jinyoung and Mark had given their whole lives to protecting on screen. Bambam gave up being a fashion designer to be a lawyer - _his_ lawyer.

Youngjae and Yugyeom had been activists so long that most companies saw them as liabilities.

Jackson couldn’t do anything ever again without the added tag of being Im Jaebum’s side piece or husband depending on who you talked to.

Yugyeom’s words of all of them needing to get out kept haunting him. Could Jaebum really act like he was the only one being affected?

Jaebum thinks so much his brain feels like it'll crack like an egg and spill out. When he finally emerges, Jaebum stumbles to the still tense kitchen and drinks a whole pot of coffee. Around the room the six members of his little family all watch him with held breath.

“I’ll do it.” Taking another deep swig of coffee Jaebum glares out the window. “You’re all right. And I’ve been getting stir crazy anyway.” Jabeum expected the _clearly_ faces from the two maknaes but he doesn’t have to like it. “Maybe if I give an inch they can be less 'thirsty' for me and we can start going out.” Jaebum wanted the simple things like being able to take his boyfriend on a date that wasn’t take-out in their kitchen with a tea light flickering between them.

With a smirk, Bambam applauds him. “Proud of you for the correct use of Thirst.” Jaebum rolled his eyes, but a grin made the corners of his mouth tick up. “Sadly, it's not likely one fan meeting is going to sate them. We’ve been holed up for almost six years and it's going to take a long, long, time for people to not want to know your every move.” Jabeum tried not to hit his head off the table. “Even then there are people who are obsessed but those people can be dealt with when they pop up. Just like we’ve been doing with them.” Bambam motions to the stack of PPO papers.

At the end of the table Jaebum spots Jackson. His boyfriend looks hurt and small but hard to miss with Yugyeom on his lap, both of them being exceptionally quiet. 

Jaebum eyes them for a second. “What is the point of this if it's not to get them off my back?” 

Bam shrugs, tone going mild like he does in court when someone is being dense. “I don’t know. Get you out of the house? Socialize with people you don't know? You don't have to do this. We won't make you. Ever. Even if we think it's a good idea we won't make you.”

Jaebum frowns at the room. It’s not the answer he wanted or expected but Bambam had a way of making an annoying amount of sense. Jaebum suspected it as from all the years of being a lawyer that Bambam hasn’t strangled him yet.

“I need a shower.”

Slamming the last of his coffee, Jaebum excuses himself from the table and goes to take a shower. Under the hot spray he runs through the pros and cons of doing the fanmeet for the umpteenth time. As much as he hates the idea, the notion that one day he’ll be able to function like a regular fucking person far outweighs the cons.

When he gets out Jackson is sitting on the bed looking very much like a kicked puppy. The guilt of cutting off his lover for three days without any contact came back full force.

“I love you. I’ll always love you.” Jackson fiddled with the bracelet on his wrist. “But we’re going to disagree sometimes. It’s what people and couples do. It happens.” Jackson’s voice goes a little softer. “You have to trust that I will bend if you will. You don't have to hide away to make choices. You’re not alone Jb.”

Jaebum sighs running a hand through his wet hair. When Jackson goes to leave the room Jaebum stops him by wrapping him up in his arms. He doesn't say anything at first, doesn't tell Jackson how the first day he woke up alone he thought getting out was a dream, and Jaebum was so sad he couldn't get out of bed for nearly the whole day. 

Jaebum doesn't tell him that going to bed without him felt like dying and that he missed him enough that he would have caved if Jackson had said that's what it took to come back. 

Knowing that Jackson wouldn't do that is why Jaebum loves him so much. 

When Jaebum does speak he says quietly, “I'll do it, I need to know that there are people out there who care about me as a person and not just The Im Jaebum.” Jaebum tightens his arms, tears burning his eyes. “I trust you to take care of me and to get me out if it's too much. I know that you would never force me to do anything.” When Jaebum pulls back he kisses Jackson softly asking, “Will you come to bed tonight? I’ve missed you so much and I can't do it anymore. I can't go to sleep and wake up alone.”

Jackson wraps him up in his arms and gathers him close and kisses along his jaw and his cheek. “You never have to Jb. You have me, forever.” The kisses continued to press against his skin. “I’m never going anywhere. It would take much, much more to drive me away.” Jackson pulls back a little to cup his face, lips pressing to his. “This is on your terms, it always is. It always will be. "

Drawing them to bed Jaebum curls around his lover and rests his head above Jackson's heart, the steady rhythm calming the chaos in his head.

"We should have a house meeting." Jaebum nodded absently. "You scared us. We...we were afraid we lost you and none of us could handle that thought.”

"Okay, in the morning." Jaebum promises. "We'll have a family meeting." The words make his own heart warm because they really are a family. His family. The ones he trusts more than everyone else in the world.

But for as much as he needs their family, he needs Jackson and to refind his center. He can't have one without the other. Closing his eyes, Jaebum lets himself relax for the first time in days.

*

When he wakes up the next morning Jaebum is convinced he's died and gone to heaven. 

The soft morning light coming in the window is warm on his skin. Just enough to illuminate the room before blinding him. Jackson tucked into his chest forever trying to burrow closer. Dotted along the blankets are most of the cats curled up and sleeping.

Unwilling to wake Jackson up, Jaebum thinks about the little golden ring that he has hidden away. Unlike the ridiculously intricate carved ring that he picked out for Jinyoung, the ring is plain. Jaebum didn't feel the need to be as wild in his choice as he did with Jinyoung.

Jaebum knows it’s probably not the best time to propose. It's likely they’ll butt heads again when they have the family meeting. But after three days of being without him, Jaebum knows he’ll never be able to be apart from Jackson. The man is Jaebum’s whole world. 

They don't get out of bed until almost noon. When Jackson had finally woke up Jaebum had taken a few extra minutes to kiss him slowly. Even from their room Jaebum can feel how the rest of the house is still tense. Like the house itself is holding its breath waiting for the other shoe to drop and implode.

Sending Jackson to round up their family, Jaebum waits until his boyfriend disappears around the corner. In the desk drawer with his and Jinyoung's old wedding rings is a little velvet bag. Slipping it into his pocket, Jaebum moved through the Cat Half of the house. He follows the smell of brewing coffee down the stairs and stops in the kitchen for a moment lamenting when the pot still isn't done.

"We're in here Jb." Jackson's voice is strained. Jaebum laments a little more that this uncertainty is because he ran away instead of talking to them.

Gathered in the living room, Jaebum takes note of how scattered everyone is. Yugyeom and Bambam are a little apart from the others and holding hands tightly. Both of the maknaes look exhausted, as if they haven't slept since he stormed off. Despite the dark circles under his eyes Bambam looks defiant while Yugyeom tries to make himself as small as possible.

In front of the window Mark won't sit down. The American is leaned against the wall, arms crossed. It's the same stance that he had taken to giving anyone who tried to force their way into Jaebum's home in the final days of the show.

Jinyoung and Youngjae are on the same sofa and barely touching, both glancing over to Bambam. 

Jaebum thinks about how helpless he's felt since he came out and how they've done everything to change that. How they’ve given up their lives even before they really knew him to help him change that, and then they gave him a family. Now he has all the power, he could break their family up if he wanted. He doesn't, he wouldn't, but he could and it's a little jarring to realize that they lean on him and look to him as much as he leans on them.

“Sup Jb?” Mark asks from the corner of the room, body still tensing and untensing. Every ten seconds or so, the Americans' eyes trailed back to Yugyeom. Jaebum knew exactly how hard the last three days had to have been for his friend to not have his partner in his arms. Mark was just as whipped for Yugyeom as Jaebum was for Jackson. 

“I missed everyone.” Lacing his fingers with Jackson for strength, Jaebum looks around then at the floor. “I’m sorry I left without talking to anyone.” At the silence, he adds. “I’m sorry I broke our family.”

Jaebum felt tears well up even as tension began to bleed from the room. The little voice that said there were still cameras everywhere now whispered that it was too late. That he hadn't broken their family, he had shattered it. After _years_ of fighting to be together, Jinyoung lost Bambam. Or Mark lost Yugyeom. He had taken their happy endings and pissed on them.

A rather ugly snort of a laugh came from Jinyoung. “Stupid.” Jaebum barely realized a pillow was flying at him from the couch until it hit him square in the face. “Broke. As if you can break anything than shitty stage plates.” Jaebum laughed for the first time in days as Jinyoung pulled him into a hug. “Don’t scare us like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum released Jackson’s hand to hug Jinyoung properly. “I’m sorry I made you and the boys fight.” Jinyoung sniffed back a few tears into his shoulder. “You know what this means right? We gotta tell Bam he’s right?”

Jinyoung groaned, “Goddamn it.”

“Did I hear my three favorite words?” Bambam’s voice was tight, but there was hope. “Did someone say I was right?”

“I said nothing.” Jinyoung grinned at his lover. “ _Jb_ said you were right.” Pinching Jinyoung’s side, Jaebum prodded until finally Jinyoung shoved him away laughing. “Alright, alright, alright. Bambam and Yugyeom you were right.”

Jaebum watched the tension slowly bleed out of the room. Watched as the men he loved drifted towards the men they loved. Mark and Yugyeom seemed to be speaking quietly to each other while Jinyoung and Youngjae had folded Bambam into their arms. Jaebum was sure they all had their own conversations to have. Especially Bambam and Jinyoung who frequently butted heads.

Jaebum flipped the gold band in his pocket, smile forming.

“I don’t like that look.” Jackson nudged his side. “What’s that grin for?”

"I've always had shitty timing. But," Jaebum swallowed his fear, going down to one knee. “Jackson, will you marry me?”

“You _asshole._ ” Mark squawked, a ring flashing on Yugyeom's hand. Mark must have asked the very same question before he threw a couch pillow catching Jaebum in the head. “How dare you upstage me.”

“God you two really share one braincell.” Youngjae’s laugh bounces around the room releasing the last bit of tension.

Jaebum would have laughed too, but Jackson was pulling him up to kiss him like there was no air left. Between kisses Jackson whispered Yes in every language he knew. Jaebum wondered if they could get married on their little beach. He and Jinyoung had the full church wedding but Jaebum wanted something different. Something small and quiet and then whisk his husband away to an island or something. 

Maybe he'd wait and crash Mark's wedding just to rile his best friend up.

Jaebum wasn’t sure what their future held. If the fanmeets and Instagram would give enough room for them to have some semblance of a normal life. But he had Jackson and his little family and his freedom. It was all he needed.

**End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
> https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
> S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
> K - https://twitter.com/BChannies
> 
> Give Rae some love too:  
> https://twitter.com/6uglyguysandjae

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
> https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
> S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
> K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


End file.
